JABbering Stooge

Here’s an ugly story you won’t see Michelle MalKKKin or her Boy Blunder, Doug Powers, mention on their vanity blog:

Last night, Jake [Burris, Democratic congressional candidate Ken Aden’s campaign manager]and his four kids had come back to their Russellville home. As they were getting out of the car, one of his children discovered their family cat dead on the front porch. One side of the animal’s head had been bashed in and an eyeball was hanging out of its socket. But there was something even more horrifying to be found on the corpse. Written across the animal’s fur in black marker was the word “LIBERAL.”

I’ve said before that there’s a special place in Hell for those who torture or kill cats. Those who do so because the cat belongs to their political opponents belong in the outer ring of the Seventh Circle of Hell (completely immersed in Phlegethon), if not in the deepest depths of Hell. Beyond that, I can say no more about this atrocity, at least not anything coherent.

This is but a prelude. Where they bludgeon cats to death, they will ultimately bludgeon people to death, too.

* With apologies to Lord Byron.

So, Operation Pipebomb has got a new side project that’s little more than a rehash of the old Nuremburg Files website, eh? I don’t see how that can possibly go wr-

Oh. Right. Never mind.

* Cf.

Don’t let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya, Secessionist.

So much for his third-place finish in New Hampshire being his “ticket to ride.”*

* Cf.

Shorter API President Jack Gerard:

Jack Gerard, Oil Industry Chief, Warns Obama On Canada Pipeline

• That’s a nice presidency. Be a shame if something happened to it ‘cause some mook didn’t approve a certain oil pipeline deal.

If I were president, you know how I’d respond to threats like this? I’d announce that I was asking the Attorney General to look into the possibility of bringing RICO charges against API and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce. It’s a bluff, to be sure, but it’d sure get the attention of these organized crime syndicates posing as lobbying groups.

* Cf.

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

So, Reversible Mittens (©2011 John Fugelsang) is complaining that the “I like being able to fire people” bit from the above video was taken out of context. (Like he has any room to compalin.)

Romney’s problem is that adding in the context doesn’t make his remarks any better. He’s suggesting that if one health insurance company screws you over with rescission and blatantly false excuses for refusing to pay a claim, you can “vote with your dollars” by taking your business to another health insurance company, as if the health insurance companies don’t all pull this shit. Note to Mittens: if every company in an industry makes every effort to screw their customers, there’s not a whole hell of a lot of choice there. It’s called a cartel. Look it up in the dictionary, Mitt, assuming you haven’t engaged in a “leveraged buyout” of all the publishers by now.

Seriously, Mitt. If you really want to do something positive for America, go back to Bain Capital and do to Aetna, CIGNA, Kaiser Permanente, and all the rest of the members of the murder-by-spreadsheet cartel what you did to AMPAD, GS Industries, Dade International, DDI Corp., Stage Stores, and Details, Inc.

But as long as you continue to endorse Gordon Gekko-style vulture capitalism, I will gladly take you out of context and not feel the least bit guilty, given your record.

After all, as you yourself put it, “What’s sauce for the goose is now sauce for the gander.”

After all, the targets are Muslims and abortion clinics. We all know that those are Acceptable Targets™.

So, it’s that time of year again. Time for me to run the following line of code on my biological computer:

my_age++;

I’ll be out celebrating with friends and family in a few hours. In the meantime, here’s a trailer for the film adaptation of the first book in Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games series:

Believe it or not, I’m already hearing the series be compared to that godawful Twilight crap, complete with fans dividing up into “Team Peeta” and “Team Gale.” Insert picture of French Enterprise captain here.

Sidebar: In case any of you were wondering, this means that in 2021 (a decade from now), I will turn 42.

Our Codependent-in-Chief:

The White House on Wednesday withdrew its threat to veto a key defense authorization bill after lawmakers revised provisions related to the treatment of terrorism suspects.

[…]

The White House had threatened to veto an earlier version of the measure, arguing that it would have required the military, rather than civilian law enforcement, to detain terrorism suspects apprehended on American soil. Administration officials also said that a provision granting waiver authority to the defense secretary was insufficient.

[…]

Human rights and civil liberties groups, which have said that the bill would allow for the indefinite detention of American citizens, on Wednesday urged President Obama not to approve the measure. Laura W. Murphy, director of the ACLU’s Washington Legislative Office, said in a statement that if Obama signs the measure, “it will damage both his legacy and America’s reputation for upholding the rule of law.”

“The last time Congress passed indefinite detention legislation was during the McCarthy era and President Truman had the courage to veto that bill,” Murphy said. “We hope that the president will consider the long view of history before codifying indefinite detention without charge or trial.”

The codependent Senator from Oregon:

There was once a time earlier in his congressional career when Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., was known for a certain political caution (you should have seen, in the 1980s, how much slower he was than many of his fellow Democrats to embrace the gay rights movement).

But Wyden, now entrenched in his Senate seat, has become unafraid to take big political risks. He sure showed this Wednesday when he unveiled a bipartisan plan to reform Medicare with none other than House Budget Chairman Paul Ryan, R-Wisc.

Ryan, of course, is the guy that Democrats have been pummeling for months after he got the Republican-led House to pass a plan to transition Medicare from an entitlement into a program that would give seniors a voucher and let them buy what they could in the market.

[…]

But Cohn notes that Bennett lost his seat in part because of his dalliance with Wyden and that Republicans are now much more intransigent. This new plan, he says, gives Republicans political cover but doesn’t indicate they are willing to bend on ensuring that all Americans get quality care[.]

The codependent Senate Majority Leader:

In what would be a major concession, President Obama and Senate Democrats will drop their insistence that a surtax on millionaires pay for extending the payroll tax cut, a Democratic source tells CNN. This would be part of a new Democratic offer.

The move comes after Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and other top Senate Democrats met with President Obama at the White House earlier today.

Way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory there, Dems.

How did Bartcop put it again? Oh, yeah:

How did I get in a party of gutless wankers?

I don’t know how you non-drinking people out there deal with it.

Shorter Longer Newt Gingrich:

There frankly are, frankly, no Arab moderates, frankly. There are, frankly, only clever Arabs and, frankly, stupid ones. The frankly stupid ones, frankly, say exactly what they mean, frankly: eliminate Israel, frankly. The clever ones, frankly, (and more and more are becoming so, frankly) mean exactly the same thing, frankly, but they are clever, frankly. […] They are liars, frankly, who frankly cannot live together with themselves, frankly, let alone Israel. […] There frankly is no Palestinian people and there is no Palestine! There frankly is not, there frankly never was, and please God, frankly, there frankly will never be. Therefore, frankly, we should grind them into chum for the sharks, frankly. Or, frankly, just shove them into industrial microwave ovens. Frankly.

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™