JABbering Stooge

Rich “Sarah Palin Is My Go-To Girl” Lowry at America’s Shittiest Website™ on the governor’s resignation announcement:

I think I have pretty well-established credentials when it comes to being charmed by Sarah Palin[.]

No kidding, Mr. Ricocheting Starbursts. Sheesh, what is it about Palin that makes conservatives want to rush out and tell me about their dates with Rosie Palms? Excuse me for a minute…

There. That’s better.

Bible Spice announces that she’s stepping down as governor of Alaska, also, too, everywhere, suchas.

K-Lo blames David Letterman.

Meanwhile, Bill Kristol “Meth” declares that the 2012 Silly Season™ has begun, three years ahead of schedule. It just keeps starting earlier and earlier, doesn’t it?

Over at Jill “Obama Treats Flies Better Than T3h Bay-beez” Stanek’s Doctor-Snuffing Roadhouse Bar & Grill, they’ve come up with all new inflammatory rhetoric to heave at abortion providers like verbal Molotov cocktails:

Taliban committing postbirth abortions

 

Pro-aborts should have no trouble with this, since they already support the killing of preborn children pretty much the same way. From the Washington Times today:

[Long cite of Moonie Times article on Taliban commander in Pakistan recruiting children for suicide attacks omitted — Ed.]

Just about all will consider these acts sickening and despicable. Pro-lifers feel the same about abortions. The only differences are the children described in this article are a few years older than children aborted, and you can see them, while you don’t see children being aborted.

That’s right. In Jill Stanek’s fevered brain, if you’re a doctor who provides abortions or are merely a person who supports the legality of abortion, you are no better than the Taliban and deserve to be shot on sight. Never mind that Jill Stanek and her stable of Scott Roeder wannabes have more in common with the Taliban than your average abortion provider — namely, the desire to create a worldwide oppressive theocratic state where women (including Miss Stanek) are little more than chattel.

And that’s not all on the abortion front. Today we find this bit of Scientology-esque brainwashing from Gadsden, Alabama:

It’s an eye-catching sight — 945 dolls attached to stakes with ribbons or cable ties lining a field next to Goodyear Heights Baptist Church off [REDACTED].

The dolls are the visual element of a protest against abortion spearheaded by the church’s Kenny Christian Encouragers Sunday School class.

Cindy Gilley, whose husband, Mike, is the class’s teacher, came up with the idea.

“I had seen other displays where people used crosses, but the Lord showed me that wasn’t enough,” she said.

No, you need a high-powered rifle with a scope for it to be enough, right?

Rather than dialing down on the rhetoric in the wake of Dr. Tiller’s murder — something that any sane, rational, non-terrorist public-interest group would do after one of their own has crossed the Moral Event Horizon™ — it seems that the Zygote Zealots are doubling down on their hate-filled ragegasms.

Spencer Ackerman on John Bolton’s General Ripper-esque obsession with bombing Iran (h/t, Steve Benen):

Yes, the Israeli bombs will only kill the bad Iranians. When patriotic Iranians of the opposition see Israeli F-16s raining death from above on Iranian targets, Bolton actually expects them to think, “Boom shack-a-lacka! Here come our Israeli liberators! Let them bomb whatever they like, since even though Mir Hussein Moussavi supports a nuclear program as part of a consensus opinion, I believe Israeli propaganda that says it has our best interests at heart! That’ll show Mahmoud Ahmadinejad! Did you hear that, Aunt Marjam? Aunt Marjam…?”

If there’s one thing that a Bush official should understand, it’s that people under attack from a foreign enemy don’t rush to embrace their more moderate leaders.

But Spencer, we Americans are superior to everyone else because unlike the rest of the heathen scum world, we embraced our moderate leaders after 9/11. Oh wait, we didn’t.

Look, WaPo, I know that money’s tight and all, what with circulation being down — that’s what happens when you fire legit journalists in favor of Dick Whisperers and curmudgeonly psychiatrists — but that’s no excuse for pimping out your ever-shrinking stable of honest reporters and their government contacts to special interest groups whose aim is to spike the president’s most progressive policy proposals.

And in other news, bloggers can’t be trusted because they sometimes use foul language. And link to Wikipedia. Or so I’ve heard.

First Drudgico, now Jake Tapper Mr. Garrison*.

The next person to claim that the media is biased in favor of liberals gets slapped.

* Cf.

On display on (where else?) Fox Propaganda Channel.

I’m still waiting for The Lord of the Loofahs to go all Scanners on us:

Shorter Rod Dreher:

Things that make you go hmm…

• ROTFLMAO! Those silly Fort Worth, Texas queers got their @$$es handed to them by the FWPD! LOL! Darwin Awards all around! LMAO! Wait, did I just say that out loud? Fsck! Now I’m going to have to explain myself to my readers…

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

On Sunday my brother and I went over to Mom and Dad’s to have dinner before our weekly pen-and-paper RPG session. While waiting for dinner to finish cooking, I opened the local fishwrap’s editorial section to find this calumny staring me in the face:

Not seeing eye-to-eye with Obama

Ever notice how President Barack Obama exits Marine One? He walks three or four feet past the Marine saluting him before returning the salute. What’s he saluting — his own ego? It’s not the Marine who guards the White House.

It’s customary to hold a salute until one is given back. Must the Marine turn his eyeballs 90 degrees to see if one was given?

Oh, Obama will bow to a Muslim king but not salute a defender of the nation. The man continues to disgrace this country and the true Americans who serve it.

[REDACTED] Ross

Captain, USMC (ret.)

Before I say my piece, Captain Ross, I want to thank you for your service to your country. Far be it from me — a mere civilian whose closest brush with military service was the Air Force JROTC unit at my high school — to dress down someone who likely risked life and limb for his country. Nevertheless, I feel it needs to be said…

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, SOLDIER? With all the shit Bush put your brothers-in-arms through, THIS is your best effort at smearing the new Commander-in-Chief?! If so, that’s just pathetic.

I mean seriously. Bush for sacrificed 4,300+ soldiers on the altar of a personal vendetta. Bush sent our boys into combat without proper body armor or equipment (which Rummy famously played down as “going to war with the army you have, not the army you wish you had”). Bush rewarded Cheney’s cronies at KBR for killing soldiers with their electro-showers. Bush outsourced facilities maintenance at Walter Reed to corrupt corporate cronies who couldn’t be trusted to deliver ice to Hurricane Katrina victims. And we all saw how well that turned out. And to further rub salt in the many wounds those soldiers received in battle, compounded with their horrific treatment at Walter Reed and other veterans’ medical facilities, Bush treated the VA like it was yet another welfare program. Oh yeah, let’s also not forget the effort on the part of the Bushies to underdiagnose PTSD cases and cover it up.

It’s amazing we haven’t seen the rise of another Bonus Army with the shitty way Bush treated the troops. Strangely, you seem to be perfectly willing to forgive him for all of that because he pranced around in a flight suit on the deck of the Abraham Lincoln, dazzling the “librul” media with his magic codpiece. But when Obama makes a minor protocol flub, you all but call for his impeachment.

IN WHAT UNIVERSE DOES THAT MAKE EVEN THE REMOTEST BIT OF SENSE?!

But even if we were to judge Presidents at the superficial level you use to bash Obama, would you be just as critical of Bush for pulling goofy stunts like this

Source: Der Spiegel

and would you be just as critical of Bush for deciding that letting Barney take a shit and getting on Marine One was more important than returning the salute of the Marine at the entrance? Or is that different?

Somehow I suspect I know the answer to that already.

Just in case you were wondering what the police are like in my home state, the fascist thugs known as the Fort Worth Police Department apparently thought the 40^th anniversary of the Stonewall riots was the perfect time to do a re-enactment.