Sunday, June 25th, 2006
Bradrocket, Gavin, Seb, eat your hearts out!
Here in Austin, we’ve got a wingnut regular in the Letters to the Editor section of the local fishwrap: one Rev. James A. Andrews. Usually, he limits himself to the usual wingnut theocrat masturbatory sessions (OMG! T3h g4ys R cumming to rape UR kidzz and give them t3h g4y!!!!1!!! OMG! Chixx0rz get to control their bodies?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!111!!!11!). This time, however, he’s channeling Adam Yoshida’s Glennocidal Tendencies and calling for the nuking of not just North Korea, but Iran, as well. Check it out:
Just detonate some nukes
I tend to go ballistic when I hear a politician or media commentator use the phrase, "put it on the table."
Huh? Great…already he’s diving into Pastor Swank territory with that, er, rather unusual phrasing. Well, at least he’s not giving voice to creepy homoerotic fantasies the way the Swankster tends to do.
The latest craziness is the battle between North Korea and Iran to see how much the United States and the rest of the world will "put on the table" to get them to restrict their nuclear and rocketry madness.
Paging Rev. Andrews, Pastor Swank just called. He’d like his plans for rewriting the English language back. Seriously. I think the phrase you’re looking for is "take off the table." We’re taking options off the table. Now I’m sure that Bush and the rest of the right-wingers would love to put the Nookyular Option (and only the Nookyular Option) on the table, but the rest of us (the sane ones) are trying to take it OFF the table.
I have a simple solution to their dilemma: Using the Russian and our stockpiles of nukes, simply strategically place an assortment of these arm-twisters in a variety of locations in each country and, without warning, detonate them.
Holy schnikes. He just did Adam Yoshida one better. Not only does he think we should nuke Iran and North Korea, but he thinks the we should steal a page from al-Qaeda’s playbook and do it terrorist-style! Can you possibly get more nutty than that? Bonus: he thinks we can get the Russians to go along with this crazy scheme!
Then, having received their attention, we could get on with the disarmament plans.
Oh, we’ll get their attention alright. Just not in the way you’re expecting hoping:
On second thought, that may have been your plan all along - provoke the terrorists into nuking one of our cities. Since the primary target would likely be New York, Chicago, D.C., or some other large city heavily populated by "libruls," you’d probably roll on the floor laughing your @$$ off for about an hour or so before breaking out the pitchforks and torches.
See, it’s not all that big of a problem, and it will serve to reduce further the world’s abundance of WMDs.
Ummm…actually, it is that big of a problem, Mr. The Only Way to Get Rid of Nukes is to Use Them.
