JABbering Stooge

I’ll wait for you to finish giving back everything you ate for the last two days at that mental image.

Ready? Here we go!

So Mr. Half His Brain Addled by Hillbilly Heroin was detained for at least three hours at the Palm Beach International Airport because ICE officials caught him with a bottle of Viagra. As an added bonus, prescription was "issued to the physician" who prescribed the erectile-dysfunction treatment - get this, "for privacy purposes," according to Roy Black, Limbaugh’s high-priced legal eagle.

Wait, we’re supposed to believe that the very lawyer who finessed Rush’s Pee Deal *snicker* has absolutely no idea that getting a prescription under someone else’s name is illegal in most states?

Here’s the relevant text from USC 21.13.I.D.844:

(a) Unlawful acts; penalties

It shall be unlawful for any person knowingly or intentionally to possess a controlled substance unless such substance was obtained directly, or pursuant to a valid prescription or order, from a practitioner, while acting in the course of his professional practice, or except as otherwise authorized by this subchapter or subchapter II of this chapter.

Strange that I found that after only a few seconds on Google, and Mr. Black seems to have missed it entirely. (And no, Mr. Black, having someone else’s name on the perscription is not valid.)

But the potential criminal liability gets worse for Limbaugh: the following is also illegal according to USC 21.9.III.331 (i) (1), "Forging, counterfeiting, simulating, or falsely representing, or without proper authority using any mark, stamp, tag, label, or other identification device authorized or required by regulations promulgated under the provisions of section 344 or 379e of this title." As John Aravosis points out, if what was in that bottle was not Viagra, but in fact "little blues," then the Oxycontin Junkie has voilated this statute, as well.

Oh, but we’re just getting started!  Thanks to his Pee Deal, Rush is effectively on probation for a year to 18 months, at which point the doctor shopping charges would be dropped. This is only in effect if Rush keeps his end of the bargain. If this blows up (sorry) into a major breach of his plea bargain, the doctor shopping case legally should be back on the docket.

Sadly, the most we can expect out of the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office for this latest incident would be second-degree misdememeanor unauthorized posession charges. I guess the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s Office hasn’t heard the new legal standard: If you’re a conservative Republican Christian, the laws don’t apply to you - you are automatically innocent of any charges that may be brought against you. Meanwhile, if a liberal/Democrat so much as jaywalks, it’s off to Gitmo!

In light of all this, maybe we ought to just refer to Rush as Pillz-E.

Helloallyoustupidpeople! IamElRushboandI’mhighasakiteonOxyContin! Biddahbiddahbiddah!

I’ll spare you the implications of the fact that he had taken Viagra with him to the Dominican Republic, a well-known underage sex capital of the world.