JABbering Stooge

Republican family values in action.

As an added bonus, the actor apparently unleashed a torrent of anti-Semitic slurs to the arresting officer. (Hat tip, LGF Watch)

Liberals are the anti-Semitic ones, indeed.

Because when the president does it, it’s not illegal.

In news fit for the "Reality Journalists" (aka tabloid writers), pop-tart Ashlee Simpson unexpectedly cancelled her concert in Toldeo, Ohio last night, pleading illness. Then a local radio station, having spotted her rollerblading and taking in the local dining options, encouraged fans to protest outside the hotel she was staying at.  They did in droves, with some fans going so far as to burn their tickets and desecrate Ashlee Simpson paraphernalia.

All this over a relatively minor slight. Imagine what they would’ve done if she had said something critical of The Most Holy George W. Christ.

So the ever-unhinged Michelle Malkin has taken to cold-cocking the Washington Post over a story on illegal immigration. She shows a photo of one of the deportees with gangland tattoos, and smugly declares "OMG, th3y’r3 4ll t3h fscking 3vil MS-13!!!!!!!!!1111!!!1!1!!!!!!!11!1!"

Update: I forgot to mention that Malkin complained that the Post was "downplaying of the violent nature of the crimes committed by nearly half of those on the plane." Keep in mind that this is what Malkin calls "downplaying the violent nature" of the crimes committed by some of the deportees:

Those who are deported often come to the attention of immigration officials only because they commit a crime.

Watching over them were 16 marshals, who had reason to be wary. About 45 percent of the deportees had been convicted of violent crimes.

And stretching a long leg into the aisle from seat 9C was Oscar Barilla, 25, whose chest and back were tattooed with the gothic letters and fearsome symbols of his gang, Mara Salvatrucha, or MS-13. Barilla consented to be photographed for this article, but, like the other 15 gang members aboard, he refused to be interviewed.

Assuming the 16 MS-13 members (15 plus Mr. Barilla) comprised the whole of the violent gang contingent on the flight, that means that only 15.24% of the deportees on the flight were members of a notorious gang (16 is 15.24% of 105), which represents only a third of all violent offenders being deported on that one flight. That’s not very significant. I guess in Malkin’s batshit crazy world, journalists must have every other sentence be "A significant percentage of deportees are violent criminals, most of whom are members of the notorious MS-13 gang" in order to qualify as "fair and balanced" journalism, even when it’s not the case.

So in "honor" of Malkin’s blatant racism, I present the lyrics to The Highwaymen’s cover of the Woody Guthrie protest song "Deportee (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos)", because apparently, not following proper protocol to come here automatically makes one a good-for-nothing thug out to defile our precious bodily fluids and worthy only of death.

Deportee (Plane Wreck at Los Gatos)

The crops are all in and the peaches are rotten,
The oranges are packed in the creosote dumps.
They’re flyin’ them back to the Mexican border,
To save all their money then wade back again.
My father’s own father, he waded that river:
Others before him had done just the same.
They died in the hills and they died in the valleys;
Some went to heaven without any name.

CHORUS:
Goodbye to my Juan, goodbye Rosalita;
Adios mi amigo; Jesus y Maria.
You won’t have a name when you ride the big airplane.
All they will call you, will be: "Deportee".

Some of us are illegal and others not wanted;
Our work contract’s out and we have to move on.
Six hundred miles to the Mexican border.
They chase us like rustlers, like outlaws, like thieves.

REPEAT CHORUS

The sky plane caught fire over Los Gatos canyon;
A fireball of thunder, it shook all the hills.
Who are all of these dear friends, scattered like dry leaves?
The radio said they were just ‘Deportees’.

REPEAT CHORUS 2x

In case you’re wondering, the post title refers to the sci-fi TV series Babylon 5, particularly the middle of Season 3 through the end of season 4, when the Earth Alliance Civil War is in full swing. And the Captain Sheridan of the hour is one Michael "Mikey" Weinstein. Weinstein is an alumnus of the Air Force Academy who spent 10 years as a JAG officer before serving on St. Ronnie "Red Ink" Raygun’s Iran-Contra legal defense team (I suspect that he didn’t really enjoy that, but didn’t have much choice).

Weinstein’s latest work was in bringing the Air Force Academy proselytizing scandal to light, and has played a prominent role in the fight for the religious freedom of cadets ever since. In the latest battle on that front, he has formed a 501(c)(3) organization called the "Military Religious Freedom Foundation", and has a book in the works entitled With God on Our Side: One Man’s War Against an Evangelical Coup in America’s Military. For his efforts, he has been called "the Field General of the Godless Armies of Satan" and subjected to repeated death threats. (What is it about right wingers and death threats against anyone who dares hold a differing opinion?)

Favorite Weinstein quotes:

Let me make it clear. I would shed my last drop of blood to defend their right to hold that biblical worldview. They are absolutely entitled to believe that Anne Frank is burning in hell along with Dr. Seuss, Gandhi and Einstein. But I will not accept my government telling me who are the children of the greater God and who are the children of the lesser God. That’s the difference. I will not defend — I will fight them tooth and nail, and lay down a withering field of fire and leave sucking chest wounds — if they engage the machinery of the state, which is what they’re doing.

Michael Weinstein, at a speech announcing the formation of the Military Religious Freedom Foundation

They say the bad guys we’re fighting, the jihadists, represent a theocratic, fascistic movement. If the United States Air Force, probably the most technologically lethal organization ever assembled by man, has a policy of evangelizing ‘the unchurched,’ you tell me how that makes us look.

Michael Weinstein, on the hypocrisy of AFA policies during the War on Terrorism

I am thunderstruck that a branch of government would collaborate with fundamentalist Christians to convert members of the armed forces to evangelical Christianity.

Michael Weinstein, on the deliberate inaction by The Most Holy George W. Christ’s rubber-stamp Congress in dealing with the AFA’s bias against non-Christians

I love the Air Force Academy more than anything but my own family, … But the academy is very, very ill right now.

Michael Weinstein, on the Jihad Squad’s hostile takeover of the AFA

When last we left POTUS, he was on his way to St. Petersburg, Russia for the G-8 Summit. True to form, the bumbling frat boy made everyone nostalgic for the days when we had someone with some semblance of tact and manners in charge.

First, we had an "Is this microphone on?" moment where Bush, displaying rare candor, dropped the S-bomb on Hezbollah while stuffing his face with buttered bread:

"See the irony is that what they need to do is get Syria to get Hezbollah to stop doing this $#17 and it’s over."

But that’s nothing compared to this…er…shit:

I didn’t know we’d actually elected Johnny Bravo as president…

In "honor" of the Holy-Roller-in-Chief’s decree that embryonic stem cell research is punishable by death will not receive government funds, and inspired by the bumper music on tonight’s edition of the Mike Malloy Show, I present the lyrics to a certain Monty Python classic:

DAD:
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I’ve never been one of them.

I’m a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They’ll take you as soon as you’re warm.

You don’t have to be a six-footer.
You don’t have to have a great brain.
You don’t have to have any clothes on. You’re
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

GIRL:
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can’t be found.

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

MUM:
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

MEN:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
WOMEN:
If a sperm is wasted,…
CHILDREN:
…God gets quite irate.

PRIEST:
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
NANNIES:
Every sperm is needed…
CARDINALS:
…In your neighbourhood!

CHILDREN:
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
FUNERAL CORTEGE:
God needs everybody’s.
MOURNER #1:
Mine!
MOURNER #2:
And mine!
CORPSE:
And mine!

NUN:
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O’er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that’s spilt in vain.

EVERYONE:
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighbourhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!

Just what I needed to start my Independence Day celebration - more mental masturbation on the part of religious conservatives:

Half-size Lady Liberty Trades Torch of Freedom for Instrument to Club Non-Christians

Unbelievable. This monstrosity is scheduled to be unveiled (or is it "reveiled"?) today. It goes to show just how far the fundamentalists are willing to go to impose theocracy on this country.

The best quote from the article, however, came from 11-year-old Evelyn Douglass:

"The Statue of Liberty is a symbol of the United States of America. The cross represents a specific religion. It’s not right that they are mixing the two. That church is trashing the meaning of America."

From the mouths of babes, eh?

MPAA gives "Christian" movie stronger than G rating: Religious wankery abounds

Did I ever tell you the one about the "Christian" movie that the MPAA dared to give a rating stronger than G?

Well, that’s what happened to the movie Facing the Giants. No sooner had the MPAA lowered the rating boom on the movie than did the usual suspects come out of the woodwork to projectile vomit the usual "anti-Christian bias from Hollywierd" and other similar "shout down a librul points."

Just one problem:

An MPAA spokesman did not return calls seeking comment. But in a letter to Mr. Blunt in June, Mr. Glickman insisted the rating for "Facing the Giants" was not based on religious content.

"Any strong or mature discussion of any subject matter results in at least a PG rating," Mr. Glickman said. "This movie had a mature discussion about pregnancy, for example. It also had other mature discussions that some parents might want to be aware of before taking their kids to see this movie."

In other words, The MPAA was CONSISTENTLY applying their standard for judging mature content FOR THE SAKE OF PROTECTING CHILDREN, you numbskulls!!!!!! But oh, no, you want it so that all "Christian" movies, even "The Fantasy of the Gibson" get a G rating, while anything depicting liberals, non-Christians or, heaven forbid, homosexuals in a positive light gets a R at best!

The big story this weekend was conservative bloggers going apeshit over the New York Times’ supposed "leak" of the locations of the summer homes of Vice Presedent Dick "Go Fsck Yourself" Cheney and SecDef Donald "[The WMD’s are] in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat" Rumsfeld. Malkin and her ilk, of course, insist that this is in retaliation for "mere criticism" of the revelation of SWIFT’s anti-terrorism program (that SWIFT itself made public).

Never mind that Rumsfeld gave his permission for the photos to be taken and the article to be written.

Never mind that conservatives’ favorite news sources, Faux "News" and "News" Max had printed much the same article months before (which is proably why Rumsfeld gave his permission).

Never mind that the New York Times ran a similar, but more detailed, piece on former President Clinton (whom conservative luminary Ann Coulter famously issued a fatwa against - "Impeach or assassinate" were her words, I recall).

And indeed, the rabid righties are following through with calls to assassinate those "responsible" for the article in question.

Meanwhile, Malkin pretends to be above the fray by bloviating with selective outrage about lefty disclosures of bad MapQuest directions to the abodes of various and sundry conservatives.

Okay then, Mrs. Malkin. If you want to chide the left about selective outrage, let’s see you condemn the following:

1. In response to a Chuy’s manager whose only crime was carding Jenna and Tonic Barbara Bush in accordance with TABC regulations, the oh-so-rational members of Free Republic posted the manager’s "address, date of birth, drivers license and registration information, physical description, and even birth information about her infant child" (one example thread here). This happened in my backyard, "The People’s Republic of Austin," so you can understand my outrage.

2. Malkin herself posted the contact information of some UC - Santa Cruz students and sicced her rabid hatriot readers on them after a protest that ended in the expulsion of military recruiters from campus (even after learning that they were receiving death threats - her response was to whine about having her personal information posted and to repost a link to the offending information).

3. Finally, we have the Anthrax mailer from immediately after 9/11. Of particular note in this case are two things. First, the strain of anthrax used in the attack came from the U.S. Army Medical Research Institute of Infectious Diseases at Fort Detrick, MD. The level of clearance required for someone to get their hands on a sample implies that the terrorist had connections inside the facility. This suggests that the attacker was a home-grown terrorist, rather than an al-Qaeda operative. Secondly, the attacks were specifically targeted at two of the rabid right’s chief targets: Democratic Senators and the "librul" media.
   

Oh wait. Let me guess, those are examples of righties being unhinged, so they don’t count in Malkin’s book.

Oh, but it gets better: Malkin’s calling for a "protest" outside the NYT Washington Bureau. In light of how recent conservative "protests" have turned out, I wouldn’t be surprised to find someone has torched/firebombed the NYT offices by this time tomorrow.

Little noticed amidst the impending celebration of our nation’s 230th birthday was the ten-year anniversary of the theatrical release of one of the best little B-movies of all time: Independence Day (ID4). In honor of that milestone, I would like to take note of some things I thought of while watching the movie for the n-th time.

1. The little irony noted on Wikipedia - Osama’s Wrecking Krew was able to pull off what the aliens couldn’t. However, it should be noted in the aliens’ defense that they had targeted the Empire State Building. As such, the WTC, while still in the blast radius, was far enough away that it did not receive a fatal blow. Given the ease with which the invaders wiped out the Empire State Building, the White House and other targets in the initial attack, I have no doubt that had the aliens picked their overgrown phallic targets differently, it wouldn’t have taken 102 minutes for the WTC to fall to pieces.

2. Mae Whitman, who played President Whitmore’s daughter, is now fully legal. She was last seen doing voice acting for the anime series Avatar: The Last Airbender and Kingdom Hearts II.

3. President Whitmore is most likely a Democrat. I say this for three reasons: 1) He served in Gulf War I, unlike many of the flag-bukkake fetishists in the GOP 2) The McLaughlin Group, most notably, Morton Kondracke, are seen constantly bad-mouthing him in the early part of the film, and 3) the film was released while Clinton was president, so a reasonable suspension of disbelief would lead one to conclude that the President in any film form the time period, unless otherwise specified, was a Democrat.

4. Assuming they survived the initial attack, the likes of Michelle Malkin, Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, Sean Hannity, Pillz-E, Michael Savage, Neal Boortz, etc., etc., etc. would use every opportunity available to blame the alien attack on Clinton’s Almighty Penis.

5. The above pundits would cheer the likely destruction of the New York Times by the aliens in their initial attack.

6. The above pundits would also blame the Los Angeles city destroyer’s shift in focus to Area 51 on the "treasonous outing of that military installation’s location" by the New York Times. Never mind the fact that the NYT was likely incinerated in the initial attack. Most especially, never mind the fact that it is quite explicitly stated that the aliens are powerful telepaths, and could pluck the relevant information from the mind(s) of the President, SecDef, and/or Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff as easily as you or I would pluck a grape from the vine.