JABbering Stooge

Care to take a guess at the religion of the victims? If you said Christian or Jew, you’re WRONG. This was a Muslim family in Georgia. The wife is from Pittsburgh, PA, and the husband is from Pakistan. And this is the welcome they receive for trying to obtain the American Dream.

Now, I would be remiss if I were to suggest that this kind of thing is an everyday occurrence. However, it is part of a pattern of increasing hostility towards Muslims in this country. Just today, as everyone goes Code Brown over a plot to blow up America-bound flights from the U.K., a Gallup poll is released, and the results aren’t good:

Thirty-nine percent of respondents to the USA TODAY/Gallup Poll said they felt at least some prejudice against Muslims. The same percentage favored requiring Muslims, including U.S. citizens, to carry a special ID "as a means of preventing terrorist attacks in the United States." About one-third said U.S. Muslims were sympathetic to al-Qaeda, and 22% said they wouldn’t want Muslims as neighbors.

Fewer than half of respondents in that same poll believe that American Muslims are loyal Americans - a significant percentage of which probably believe that Muslims are subhuman scum worthy only of death. There have already been calls to shove every single Muslim into human-sized microwaves, which I’m sure would cause a bit more of this:

Probably the only way she hits the big-O with Jesse, anyway.

But hell’s bells, why stop at making Muslims carry ID (Papers, please!)? Why not make them wear red crecents? Why not vandalize Muslim-owned/operated businesses? Hell, why not go ahead and herd them into the human-sized microwave ovens? We could call it the "Last Answer to the Muslim Dilemma"!

Sweet Jesus. I weep for the future of this country that I was raised to love and defend to my dying breath.

Update: Holy crap. Satire is dead. I just re-read the Malkin post I linked to above, and she quite literally says: "the British Muslim problem"! She really is advocating genocide!!!

The real tragedy of the current situation in the Middle East, beyond the wanton destruction in Lebanon, is that American and Israeli hardliners, along with Hezbollah, Hamas, Islamic Jihad and al Qaeda, are two sides of the same coin: both want a one-state solution - they just disagree as to which one state should exist. And when they fight each other, all too often moderate-to-liberal Americans, moderate-to-liberal Israelis and moderate-to-liberal Muslims get caught in the middle.

As for myself, I would like to see a two-state solution. I also think that in the case of Jerusalem - a frequent sticking point in any such deal, the best solution would be to treat it like a toy that two kids are fighting over: if they can’t share it, than neither one deserves to have it.

In an August 7 post, Jeff Goldstein lamely attempts a humorous vignette:

So I’m walking past the food court at an upscale mall in Cherry Creek this afternoon when I spot a a teenage boy—dark hair, olive skin—wearing Hizbollah colors and chatting up a pair of high school girls. Which, of course, left me little choice but to tackle him from behind—lowering my shoulder into the small of his skinny manboy back and driving him headlong into the counterfront of the Great Steak and Potato Company. Then, once I had him stunned and curled into a quivering fetal ball, I began administering a series of kidney punches that I was sure the little wannabe jihadist wouldn’t soon forget.

Because here’s the thing: in my world, it’s fine if you want to agitate for terrorist thugs at pre-planned rallies, even if doing so marks you as a moral cipher. But when you begin parading your aggressive moral equivalence in front of Panda freakin’ Express, well—then you’ve crossed a line, brother.

Sorry. But that’s just how Jeff rolls.

That being said, it turns out the kid I tackled wasn’t so much a supporter of Hizballah as he was a fan of the 1970 Oakland Athletics, whose road jerseys had the same color scheme as the Hizballah flag—an unfortunate coincidence that, in retrospect, explains both the “Hunter” and the “27” embroidered on the back of his shirt, things I initially took to be a combination of youthful braggadocio and a ghoulish body count tally.

—Which just goes to show that even a committed intentionalist can be fooled by situational semiotics, particularly when he brings with him to the interpretative moment a host of extraneous personal and cultural baggage that serves no other purpose but to pollute the specific authorial context—a lesson that would have proven useful had I reminded myself of these truisms before I landed that last series of flying atomic elbow drops to the poor kid’s thighs.

On his THIGHS?! Jesus Saint Mary Mother of Joseph! Assuming this account is true (and, knowing Goldstein, that’s a pretty generous assumption), wha’d he do next, slap the guy’s face with his monster schlong? Touch his sister in her secret places - lots?

Luckily, what did prove useful, given the circumstances, were my New Balance cross trainers and a parking spot close to the mall exit—both of which allowed me to lose the two paunchy security guards who chased me down the escalator and huffed after me into the parking garage.

At least, I think I lost them. To be honest, it’s difficult to know for certain with all the shades drawn and a stoned armadillo crunching sour cream and onion Pringles on your couch.

Developing…

Yeah…so glad…because we all know that the rent-a-cops will bust him for the crime of being conservative - oh wait, that’s only supposed to happen to libruls - I forgot.

But if he’s this "brave" in "standing up to homegrown Mexislahomolibrulfascism," why is he utterly petrified of a third-rate academic who uses Ann Coulter’s level of rhetoric? I’m sure his +5 Vorpal Cock could keep her at bay…

I’ve been a bit remiss in discussing the powderkeg in the Middle East. I have decided to break my silence on this issue, and let the chips fall where they may.