JABbering Stooge

In the tradition of odd, pointless websites like “Am I Hot or Not?” and “What D & D Character Are You?” comes this quiz to determine how linguistically “Union” or “Confederate” you are by answering 20 questions about how you pronounce certain words and the jargon you use for certain activities/objects.

In case you were wondering, here’s how I did:

57% Dixie. Barely in Dixie

Via TBogg:

Congressman Eric Cantor (R-VA) who is the Chief Deputy Assistant Night Manager Trainee Whip has a great idea to jump start the moribund Republican party. Employ the boundless American ingenuity that has given us the electric light, the automobile, and beer bottle labels that turn blue to let you know the beer is cold. So Eric has set up the Solutions Factory where yokels American Patriots can share their vision of the Republican Renewal.

And where might one find this ball of offal? Why right here. Let’s look at some of the proposals:

Truth Pravda in Media

Require media personalities - reporters, talking heads, debate moderators - to disclose/display their own stance on issues they’re reporting on or discussing. For example, when doing a story on Iraq, there should be a caption indicating whether the reporter is pro- or anti- regarding the war blindly parrot only pro-Republican goodfacts.

Standard fare wingnuttery, so far. Let’s see some more.

No Naming of Public Property After Self

I propose congress be prohibited from sponsoring any bill which includes any provision for naming a program, entitlement, street, highway, bridge, sewer (well, okay, we’ll leave that one in) building, monument, community, tree, insect, vegetable, asteroid, comet, planet, and/or anything else after a sitting senator or congressman and for up to 25 years after leaving office. Further, no community or local, county, state or federal government body may name any of the above mentioned items after a sitting senator or congressman and for up to 25 years after leaving office. Why tempt them with free advertising?

That…actually sounds halfway decent. Maybe we could tweak it just a little…

Perma-ban on Naming Everything That’s Nailed Down (And Even Most Stuff That Isn’t) After St. Ronnie The Red-Ink Raygun

That oughta do it - for both that “solution” and the rest of the site. The stupid starts to burn after a while.

Ann at Feministing brings news of the “latest” trend in plastic surgery Nigerian Letter Scams. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce…T3h G-Sh0t!!!111!!111!!1!!!1!!1!

Ann aptly describes the procedure as “what you get when you cross labiaplasty with the myth of the vaginal-only orgasm” - a myth that anyone with a basic understanding of reproductive biology - particularly the *gasp* evolutionary factors involved - could debunk in a heartbeat. And if that isn’t enough to set one’s misogyny radar blinking red, there is apparently a long list of increasingly nasty-sounding side effects, including “urethral injury,” “hematuria,” “local tissue infarction and necrosis,” “possible hospitalization for treatment of complications,” “lidocaine toxicity,” “reactions to medications including anaphylaxis” and “allergy to collagen material.” Not to mention “serious injury” or “other risks or complications.” (Such as death, maybe?) Makes me wonder why any woman in her right mind would want to do it. Seems like high-tech genital mutilation to me. Logic would dictate that the mere existence of this sort of procedure should set off all the right-wing strawfeminists who are constantly crusading against female genital mutilation in the Muslim world. Oh, wait. That’s right. This procedure is aimed at “good Christian women” seeking desparately to provide sufficient non-faking satisfaction for their Commanders, and thus is okay in the wingnut mind.

At least he went quietly.

Don’t get me wrong, Falwell was a flaming rat bastard and needs to be remembered as a hateful bigot whose rhetoric inspired the Army of God and the likes of Eric Rudolph (who to this day continues to spew his special brand of bile from behind the walls of a federal pound-me-in-the-@$$ Supermax prison). There will be time for a Speaking for the Dead, but that time is not now.

For all of Falwell’s faults - and there were many, many faults - he was still human. That’s far more credit than his defenders have EVER given his critics.

Although I no longer consider myself a Christian (thanks largely to the efforts of Falwell and his cohort to use the Bible as a cudgel against anyone who believed differently), I was raised to believe that any deity worth worshipping would be an omnibenevolent being with an infinite capacity for forgiveness.

Even for flaming rat bastards.

First the Pentagon obstructs procurement of a nearly ready Israeli-made anti-RPG system in favor of an unproven American system that’s almost certain to generate massive cost overruns. Now we get word that they’re forcing soldiers to use what could be considered the worst hybrid concept ever: the Edsel/Ford Pinto of military equipment known as Stryker.

Once again, when it comes to government run by conservatives, the operating principle is “The profit margins of our special interest slush-fund buddies come first, second, third, fourth and fifth, while the troops come dead last, if at all.”

Palestinians again hurt their own cause.

This has been a JABbering Stooge special edition of What AJ at AMERICAblog Said.

* With apologies to Atrios.

While looking up stuff related to my post about Atrios’ reaction to Sam Seder’s replacement on Air America Radio, I came across this old post on Crooks and Liars from June 2, 2005. Sam Seder was filling in for Ron Reagan, Jr. on MSRNC’s now-defunct lunch-hour gabfest, Connected: Coast to Coast. The subject of the three-on-three debate: the revelation that former FBI Deputy Director W. Mark Felt was “Deep Throat” - the anonymous source that helped blow the lid off of Nixon’s criminal enterprise: the Watergate cover-up.

There were two things that struck me most about the clip: the renewed salience, in light of Gonzo-gate, of blogger Bill Scher’s comment that the right-wing “[doesn’t] believe that government staff - government workers - should be independent at all - that political appointees should have full control over them,” and the presence of former Alaska Senator and current candidate for the 2008 Democratic Presidential nomination Mike “I feel like a potted plant” Gravel in this particular fracas.

Boortz tries his hand at the victimization game:

BOORTZ: So, I am aware, for you “Brocksters” out there at Media Myrmidons, Democrat[sic]Underground.com, MoveOn.org, Huffington. I am well aware that all over this country right now, you people are running tape recorders on this show. And you’re just waiting for me to say something.

Not — you’re not waiting for me to say something that you might disagree with. You’re not waiting for me to express an opinion or a thought that you might disagree with. You’re waiting for me to say something that you can demagogue and see if you can make me the next Don Imus. And it’s not just me, you’re doing the same thing to Michael Savage and Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity and the rest of them.

You’re just waiting for one little statement that you can take out of its total context and just go on a rampage with, with your Web postings and see if you can pull that Don Imus thing off all over again, see if you can find some whimpering old woman executive somewhere that’ll just, “Oh! Oh, my God! We’ve got to do something now.”

No, it’s called quoting you accurately and providing context, you misogynist twit! I find it funny that every time you and your ilk are called on your bilious rhetoric, you play the victim card and claim that you’re being taken out of context - when you’re not using it to pat yourself on the back, that is. Never mind that no conservative to date has been able to prove that Media Matters has posted something out of context. Never mind that more often than not there is no conceivable context in which your rhetoric would be considered “in bounds.”

You know, every time a conservative claims to have been “taken out of context,” I have to ask, “how much f**king context do you f**king NEED? Five minutes on each side of the comment in question? Ten? Fifteen? The whole f**king show? And who decides how much context is sufficient? You? The person who claims that the 4-10% of the insurgency in Iraq comprised of Al-Qaeda members and sympathizers is “a large amount” and who apparently believes that Dilbert is liberal agitprop? Give me a break!

Atrios on Air America Radio’s decision to replace Sam Seder with Lionel:

Are the people who run Air America on crack?

Yes.

This has been easy answers to simple questions - JABbering Stooge edition.

Sidebar: I can say that with confidence because I would sometimes listen to Lionel’s late-night show on the Air America affiliates that carried it while sleeping - a habit I seem to have picked up from my late paternal grandfather, whose smoking habit killed him before I was born, ironically enough. According to Dad, I also share my late grandfather’s penchant for strong language. Go f**king figure.

* With apologies to Atrios.

Domestic terrorist Michelle MalKKKin blames Clinton’s Almighty Penis for the Fort Dix Six.

Sadly, MalKKKin wasn’t the only one exploiting the arrests for political gain. The Hannity sez:

What do you think we’re likely to find out in the next couple of days about surveillance and how that helped, how the Patriot Act helped, how all the measures that were put in place after 9/11 were of assistance, considering these issues are in quite dispute, especially among Democrats in Washington?

Ummm, Sean? No warrantless wiretaps, no extraordiary rendition, no torture was involved in the disruption of the plot. Just good old fashioned law enforcement. You know, the tactic you and your ilk constantly decry as completely and utterly ineffective next to nuking the entire Middle East (minus Israel) and herding all Muslims into human-sized microwaves for the crime of being Muslim.