JABbering Stooge

Well, The Most Holy George W. Christ the Infallible’s last State of the Union address is just hours away.

So in anticipation of this spectacle of calumny, I’d like to offer this drinking game.

JABbering Stooge Official 2008 SOTU Drinking Game

Take one shot for:

• any Bushism except for “nookyular”

• any variation on “Democrat Party”

• “enhanced interrogation”

• anything related to FISA or warrantless wiretapping

• S-CHIP

• any variation on “the surge is working”

• “cut and run”

• Israel or “Holy Land”

• “playing political games with our national security”

• saber-rattling vis a vis Iran

Take two shots for:

• “nookyular”

• any variation on “the economy is strong”

• “mortgage crisis”

• “stimulus”

• Al-Qaeda in Iraq

• “earmarks”

• vouchers

• any variation on “faith-based” schools

• “wasteful spending” or “bloated budgets”

Take three shots for “Iraq is the central front in the War on Terror.”

And finally, chug for “Do-nothing Congress.”

WARNING: Only play the JABbering Stooge Official 2008 SOTU Drinking Game if you have a strong liver or are drinking non-alcoholic beverages. This blogger is not liable for any alcohol-related medical emergencies resulting from playing this drinking game for real.

* In spite of his party’s continuing efforts to turn 1984 into reality, President Bush is hardly a doublepluss good duckspeaker - far from it, in fact.

Superbug linked to homosexual behavior

Gay men’s testes don’t produce sperm, they produce MRSA!

No, seriously. I shit you not:

“Wake up, medical and political establishment: Homosexual behavior is unhealthy – no matter how many secular sermons you preach against ‘homophobia,’” wrote Peter LaBarbera in a statement on the Americans for Truth About Homosexuality website.

“Due to liberal political correctness, which insists on treating aberrant – even deadly – behaviors and lifestyles as a ‘civil right,’ we as a society don’t seem to have learned much from the AIDS pandemic,” he said.

But, wait, there’s more LaBarbera idiocy!

LaBarbera said the following questions need to be answered urgently:

• Why aren’t all schoolchildren being taught that there are special health risks associated with homosexual behavior and that they should “just say no” to homosexuality?

• Why won’t the news media make the common-sense connection between these frequent stories about (male) homosexual behavior and disease – to the idea that perhaps it’s probably not smart for society and pop culture to celebrate homosexuality and bisexuality?;

• Why isn’t there a concerted government effort – akin to the current anti-smoking campaigns – to reign in homosexual promiscuity – beginning with closing down all sex businesses (bathhouses) that facilitate homosexual perversion?

Gee, I dunno, maybe it’s because MRSA isn’t restricted to just homosexuals, and never was!!!*

Finally, we have Matt Barber over at Quarantining Uteri for Incessant Egg Fertilization Concerned Women for America suggesting a Final Solution to T3h Gay Problem™ is in order:

Television shows like Will and Grace glorify the homosexual lifestyle while our children are taught in schools that homosexuality is a perfectly healthy, alternative sexual “orientation.” “Stay out of our bedrooms!” we’re often commanded by militant “gay” activists. Well, now the dangerous and possibly deadly consequence of what occurs in those bedrooms is spilling over into the general population. It’s not only frightening, it’s infuriating.

Citizens, especially parents, need to stand up and say, “No More! We will no longer sit idly by while politically correct cultural elites endanger our children and larger communities through propagandist promotion of this demonstrably deadly lifestyle.”

As opposed to self-proclaimed moral elites like Mr. Barber? Yeah. Perhaps Mr. Barber ought to take his holier-than-thou sanctimony and stick it where the sun don’t shine.

I’m pretty sure that his Lord and Savior™©® would agree with me.

* via Box Turtle Bulletin

This is just absolutely disgusting. Gov. Barbour apparently cares so little for the suffering of the least among us that he’d siphon off funds intended for Katrina victims for a major expansion of the state-owned port in order to build casinos and resorts in the area. Apparently, he’d rather leave the less affluent victims of Katrina in their formaldehyde-poisoned FEMA trailers.

Even worse, it appears that the federal government green-lighted this misappropriation of funds. What’s next? Halliburton gets the reconstruction contracts, with Blackwater providing security?

Mississippi Governor Haley Barbour (R - Scumbag), Today’s Worst Person In The World!!!!!**

* With apologies to Kanye West.

** With apologies to Keith Olbermann.

This story ought to inspire pet owners to make sure their pets have some form of ID on them in the event that they get lost. A Florida couple’s cat wound up stowing away in the husband’s suitcase, somehow making it through security and flying in the cargo hold to DFW International Airport. As if that weren’t bad enough, another traveler mistook the suitcase the cat was in for one of his own, and got the surprise of his life when he got home that evening. Fortunately, the cat had a collar with her owners’ contact information on it, and Gracie Mae was promptly reunited with her owner, who was in Dallas for a business meeting. The man who quite literally “let the cat out of the bag,” Robert Carter, was enough of a Good Samaritan to buy a cat carrier for the owner, Seth Levy, to use to bring Gracie Mae home with him.

Naturally, Carter and the Levys were guests on the Today show to talk about the whole ordeal.

It’s a nice story, and I wouldn’t be surprised if both parties involved had a laugh about it even after leaving the Today studios.

The Bush administration has “discovered” yet another use for the ubiquitous adhesive tape: censoring embarrassing EPA reports. ThinkProgress has the story.

The Young Liberals of Canada have posted a series of three videos in the style of the “Get a Mac” commercials. Funny stuff, eh!

Heh. Indoozle.

He thinks he’ll go home now.*

* With apologies to Tom Hanks and Robert Zemeckis…and to Stephanie Miller for stealing the joke.

Just wall-to-wall idiocy on the part of Blitzer and CNN. And you wonder why I chose to watch Life After People instead of this drek.

And Mitt Romney follows Rudy Giuliani into the “English-only” hypocrisy goo. From ThinkProgress:

Former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney has released a new Spanish-language campaign ad in Florida entitled Mi Padre (My Father), featuring Romney’s son, Craig. Craig encourages voters to “get to know my father, Mitt Romney.” Romney himself then chimes in with: Soy Mitt Romney y apruebo este mensaje (I’m Mitt Romney and I approved this message). Watch it:

[Video of Romney TV ad]

It’s interesting that Romney is so interested in reaching out to Latino voters in Spanish. In the past, he has been stridently English-only:

“English needs to be the language that is spoken in America. We cannot be a bilingual nation like Canada.” [3/07]

“You strengthen the American people by securing our borders and by insisting that the children who come legally to this land are taught in English.” [3/2/07]

You’ve got to love the way Gov. Romney cites Canada as an example of why being a bilingual nation is a bad thing. Frankly, I’m amazed that he didn’t exploit the fact that Canada’s other widely-spoken language is French.

And as an added bonus, Romney then steps into the generation gap goo:

“Who Let The Dogs Out” is not exactly a new reference. In fact, it’s just what a clueless white guy would say in front of a bunch of black people to try and “relate”. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Mittens Romney, and a supremely awkward moment on the campaign trail.

As he posed for a picture with a group of young people, the typically old-fashioned Romney was relaxed enough to quote from a popular hit single from a few years back.

“Who let the dogs out?” he called out, as he stood there beaming in his shirt and tie. “Who! Who!”

Nice. Classy-with-a-K. And way to remind people of your past dog issues, Mittens.