JABbering Stooge

Jesse’s got an interesting post over at Pandagon about why McBush says “my friends” ever other sentence. It’s worth a read, especially in light of McBush’s other habit of using the singular version when he’s pissed off at about to go apeshit on someone. My only reason for bringing up Jesse’s post is because it reminded me of a fictional character with a similar habit. The protagonist of David Eddings’ Elenium and Tamuli series, Sparhawk, has a habit of calling anyone he doesn’t know “neighbor.” At one point in the series, he even explains why he does it:

“Why do you call everybody ‘neighbor’?” Tynian asked as they rode on.

“Habit, I suppose.” Sparhawk shrugged. “I got it from my father, and it sort of puts people at their ease.”

“Why not call them ‘friend’?”

“Because I never know that for sure. Let’s go talk to the abbot of that monastery.”

The Ruby Knight, pg. 44 — paperback edition

I’m probably the only one who cares, but I thought it was an interesting similarity.

* In case you’re wondering, here’s the context of the quote:

“We ride to Ghasek as quickly as we can,” she replied. I have to find out what’s causing the infection before I can cure it. We absolutely have to get into that castle — even if it involves force.”

“We can handle that,” Ulath said, “but what are we going to do about that minstrel? If he can infect others just by touching them, he’s likely to come back at the head of an army.”

“There’s a simple way to deal with it,” Kalten said, putting his hand on his sword hilt.

“No,” Sephrenia said sharply. “I’ll put him to sleep instead. A few days’ rest might do him some good, anyway.” She looked sternly at Kalten. “Why is your first answer to any problem always a sword?”

“Overtrained, I guess.” He shrugged.

The Ruby Knight, pages 203-204 — paperback edition

Just when you thought the soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock had learned their lesson, here we go again:

NEWS BABE’S ‘IRAQI TRYST’
IN-BEDDED REPORTER ‘TOOK MY HUBBY’

By TODD VENEZIA

Sexy CBS siren Lara Logan spent her days covering the heat of the Iraq war - but that was nothing compared to the heat of her nights.

The “60 Minutes” reporter and former swimsuit model apparently courted two beaus while she was in Baghdad, and has been labeled a homewrecker for allegedly destroying the marriage of a civilian contractor there, sources said.

Passions got so hot in the combat zone that one of her lovers, Joe Burkett, brawled in a Baghdad “safe house” with her other paramour, CNN war reporter Michael Ware, a source said.

Shorter Todd Venezia: “SLUT! Lara Logan’s a SLUT! Look at her! SLUT!”

Furthermore, notice that this dreck was published on Thursday, less than 10 days after Logan appeared on The Daily Show with John Stewart to criticize her bosses for effectively censoring reportage from Iraq that makes The Most Holy George W. Christ the Infallible look bad.

<tabloid>And in other news, it is my sad duty to report that Page Six “reporter” Todd Venezia has been diagnosed with tertiary syphilis stemming from his days plying the underage sex tourism trade in Cambodia. This news comes on the heels of two recent high-profile incidents involving the alleged journalist for Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post; one incident occurred when he sodomized a goat in Central Park, and another in which he was caught in a “compromising position” with a 12-year-old boy.</tabloid>

So Todd, do you see how easy it is to just make up obviously ridiculous bullshit in order to smear someone you disagree with politically? Maybe you ought to think about that before writing your next Murdoch-ordered hit piece.

Given how much ink Page Six and the New York Post have spilled in sliming their political adversaries in the last month, perhaps its time that The Left™ file a class-action defamation lawsuit against Murdoch and his ilk.

Update (06/28/08, 00:43): Hmm. It seems that I’m a little late to the “sue Murdoch’s slime machine” party. It would appear that the fiancée of Gregg Hughes — star of the infamous “Opie and Anthony” radio show — is doing just that. To the tune of <DrEvil>$10 million</DrEvil>. How utterly delicious. I guess you can add my idea to that pile.

Koresh help us:

Oy. Fortunately, there is balm in Gilead that no raven can say “Nevermore” to. There’s this analysis from Cenk Uygur, for instance:

There’s also this contribution from FascistMedia.com:

And when you’re done with those, feel free to give some love to Cornyn’s opponent, Rick Noriega, by putting some money in his kitty (or volunteering for him, if you live in Texas).

Have I mentioned that we desperately need to send Cornyn back to the private sector this November?

Update (06/28/08 01:02): Via Atrios, Rick Noriega responds:

Jesse Taylor at Pandagon on Hugh Hewitt’s terrorized gibbering over an Obama presidency:

Ohio State - so awesome that their winning a single game will move the entire nation forward more than four months in time and elect a president.

Buckeyes, baby!

Heh. Inde- oh wait, wrong wingnut.

Amazingly, in spite of the rushed nature of the piece, and how craptacular I think it is, the new blog set up to celebrate the “I am aware of all Internet traditions” meme has honored my work by linking to it.

Inspired by such an honor, and by the companion picture submitted by a commenter, I have revamped my entry to the halls of memedom.

Case in point: an entry in the “Reading Assignments” section of his daily program notes for June 25. The entry in question reads as follows:

The New York Times ran an Op-Ed saying that Bush actually got one right in his war against Islamic extremism.

Apparently, Boortz expects his suckers sycophants listeners to read that line and think, “See? Even the evil editors at the librul New York Times agrees that Bush has done a wonderful job of microwaving all Muslims fighting Islamic terrorism! Eat it, f*cking traitor DemonRAT scumbags!!!11!1!1!1!!eleventy-one!!11!!”

Sadly, their trust in Boortz as a teller of Painful Truths™©® would be sorely misplaced, as the link goes not to a NYT Editorial Board-endorsed essay, but to the latest Bush-apologia from known hack David Brooks. Worse for Boortz’s alleged credibility, the subject of Brooks’ column was not the War on a Tactic™ in general, but the invasion of Iraq specifically (which, despite the neocons’ protests to the contrary, had absolutely nothing to do with the hunt for Osama bin Laden, Mullah Omar, etc.).

But then, when was the last time that Boortz ever said anything that had even the most tangential relationship with the truth?

Delicate Talks for Democrats on a Path to a Unified Party

• OH NOES!!! The Democrats be stealin’ our “Discord among the Democrat Party” bukkit!!!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Via ThinkProgress: SCOTUS rewards Slixxon-Mobil for the 1989 Valdez oil spill by putting the $2.5 billion judgement in a Cuisinart® and hitting “frappé.”(The fine had already slashed in half by the “librul” Ninth Circuit.) The ruling in the case was 5-3 because Justice Alito did the honorable thing (for once) by recusing himself from the case (he owned stock in Slixxon-Mobil). Had Alito participated in the case, the ruling would’ve been 6-3.

I suppose that this is as good as we can expect from a bought and paid-for Supreme Court. If they thought they could get away with it, the five “justices” would’ve ruled that the citizens of Valdez, Alaska owed Slixxon punitive damages, not the other way around.

“Outlier punitive damage awards,” my ass!

According to Jonathan Weisman and Anne Kornblut, McCain adviser Charlie Black’s comment that another 9/11 would be a “big advantage” for the Arizona Senator is good news for the Republicans.

Oy.

Americans Believe in God, Heaven, Hell

• Did you know that 90% of Americans believe as I do that Jesus is the One True God™ and that he hates homosexuals, liberals, women and Muslims? It’s true! Just look at this study by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™