JABbering Stooge

Inspired by my last post, I decided to fire off a missive to Holy Joe. I apologize if any of this is repetitive.

Sen. Lieberman,

I wish you would stop slandering your colleague, Sen. Barack Obama. At the McCain campaign conference call today, when you said, “First I should congratulate him on securing the Democratic nomination. I hope it will be a civil and constructive campaign debate,” your words were revealed to be nothing more than empty platitudes mere seconds later as you launched into your standard-issue smear of Obama for his position on Iran.

In fact, as far as I can tell, the only things that have ever come out of your mouth this campaign season are outrageous smears and slander of anyone to the left of Attila the Hun for the thoughtcrime of refusing to believe that the only way to defend Israel is to incinerate the entire Muslim world.

If you have any integrity or sense of honor, sir, you will stop slandering your colleague, and actually live up to your empty rhetoric for once in your life.

Now watch me get put on the No-Fly List for the crime of criticizing a Republican.

Iran delenda est!*

Incidentally, Joe, you might want to look in a mirror before uttering crap like this:

First I should congratulate him on securing the Democratic nomination. I hope it will be a civil and constructive campaign debate.

You look like a fucking hypocrite every time you do so, because the only thing that ever comes out of your mouth these days is outrageous smears and slander of anyone to the left of Attila the Hun for the thoughtcrime of refusing to believe that the only way to defend Israel is to incinerate the entire Muslim world.

* Via.

Even the Yakuza get better medical care than the “mythical little people.”

Via.

The Bible translated into LOLcat? Sweet Ceiling Cat Jr.’s Berfday, that’s stoopitz fresh!

Some of my favorite passages:

Teh Sheepz n teh Goatz

(31) “Wen teh Jebus comez in hiz awesumness, n al teh angels wit ‘im, he wil sit on ‘is couch of teh ceilings awesumness.(32) All teh nashuns will be gatherd before him, an he will separate teh peeps wan frum anothr as sheferd separatez teh sheep frum teh goats.(33) he will put teh sheep on his rite an teh goats on his left.(34) “den teh king will say to dose on his rite, coem, yu hoo haz cheezburgrz from ceiling cat; taek ur kitteh toyz, teh kingdom prepard for yu since teh creashun ov teh urfs.(35) 4 i wuz hungry an u openz canz and not drai fuds, i wuz thirsty an u gaev me some bowlz, i wuz strangr an yu were liek, “o hai,”(36) i had dirty furz an yu gaev me licks, i wuz sick an u rap pillz in ham, i scratch bathrum door an yu openz.(37) “den teh riteshus will say, Jebus, when did we c u hungry an gaev yu gushy fud, or thirsty an gaev yu milks?(38) when did we see yu strangr an says “o hai,” or durty furz and lick yu?”(39) when did we know yu sick or stuck in bathroom and help yu?(40) “teh king will says, srsly, whatevr yu did teh other kittehs, evn lame kittehs, yu liek did to me.(41) “den he will say to dose on his left, leav, you NO CAN HAS CHEEZBURGRZ, into teh Sink of Alwayz Be Wet yu go, an say hai to basement kat and stinky birdcatz.(42) fer I has hunger an yu gave me dry fuds, i wuz thirsty an yu says “only got dry bowls,”"(43) i wuz strangr an yu did not say hai, i has durty furz and you wer liek “go lick selfs,” i wuz sick an stuck in bathrum and you wer liek, “whatever.” Lamerz.(44) “they also will say, lord, when did we see yu hunger or thirsts or strangr or durty furz or sicks, an says, “NO CAN HAS help yu?”(45) “he will says, srsly, whatevr yu did not do for even lamer kittehs, yu did not do fur me.(46) “den they will go be wet with basement cat, but teh riteshus will be dry wif ceiling cat.”

Matthew 25:31-46

Jebus tawt about prayz

(5) so yu be all leik MCHammertime and pray jus 2 make it 2day and stuff.(6) Ceiling Cat is watching you prostrate but u donut no he is tho.(7) ur pray shood not be made of fail

Matthew 6:5-6

Teh lordz case against israel

(8) he has showded u, o kittehs, wut iz gud. An wut doez teh lord want from yuz? 2 be nais, 2 luv givin 2nd chansez An 2 walk humbly wif ur ceilin cat, srsly.

Micah 6:8

Ceiling Cat be praised!

Original image source: Gamespot via Massive Entertainment/Sierra

If anyone deserved this nomination, sir, it’s you.