JABbering Stooge

Stalkin’ Malkin asks:

Where have all the Swift Boats gone?

Well, one went to the McCain campaign, who was all too happy to have him. (And the “librul” media was all to happy to ignore his presence on McCain’s “truth squad.”) But in all honesty, Michelle, why do the Rethugs need the Smear Boat Liars for Bush™ and their ilk when they’ve got the “librul” media on their side?

If there is one good thing to come out of Gen. Wesley Clark’s “Dean Scream” moment on Sunday, it’s this: that it finally and indelibly exposes for all with the intelligence to see it (or without the ideological filter to block it out) that the “librul” media is blatantly in the tank for McBush. When they’re not gladly being human shields for Teflon John, they’re setting up rhetorical IEDs aimed at Obama for the most ridiculous of reasons. Quite frankly, I’ve stopped watching cable and network news because of it.

The American Patriarchy Association’s “newswire” OneNewsNow has been revealed to be running Associated Wankers articles through its Secret Decoder Script™ in a most hilarious fashion:

But the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow website takes the phenomenon one step further with its AP articles. The far-right fundamentalist group replaces the word “gay” in the articles with the word “homosexual.” I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems to make the AFA happy. The group is, after all, pretty far out there.

The problem, of course, is that “gay” does not always mean what the AFA wants it to mean. My friend Kyle reported this morning that sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials over the weekend. The AFA ran the story, but only after the auto-correct had “fixed” the article.

That means — you guessed it — the track star was renamed “Tyson Homosexual.” The headline on the piece read, “Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials.”

Heh. Indeed. Memo to the AFA:

AMBASSADOR DAVID SHERIDAN: John, I can’t imagine the kind of decisions that are going through your mind right now. I’m sure they’re not easy. The important ones never are. But when push comes to shove, you’ve always done the right thing. What was the first lesson I ever taught you?

CAPTAIN JOHN SHERIDAN: Never start a fight, but always finish it.

Babylon 5 — “Severed Dreams”

Oh, gee. Look what’s happening in Afghanistan because we didn’t finish the fight there.*

* I’m sorry if this breaks my pledge to not link to stories from the AP, but I couldn’t find any other source for the story.