Thursday, August 21st, 2008
Two-Minute Townhall
I know I’m stealing the thunder of the fine folks at Sadly, No!, but it has to be done.
Shorter Michelle Malkin: Given that The Eternal Soros™ is an evil greater than Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden combined, why can’t we freeze his assets as the sole financier of that terrorist Muslim B. Hussein Obama?
Shorter Terrence Jeffrey*:Folks, I have a confession to make. I was w…w…wr…not quite 100% accurate when I accused Sen. Obama of lying about pro-lifers libeling him as pro-infanticide. I’m sorry. I’ll surrender my Conservative In Good Standing Card™®©.
Shorter John Stossel: Screw energy independence! Energy independence is un-American! If I want to enrich terrorist-supporting regimes in the Middle East by driving a Hummer limo that gets 612 gallons-per-mile, that’s my God-given right as an American, goddammit!!!
Shorter Doughy Pantload: Sen. Obama is a Liberal Fascist because he easily uses the rhetoric of a theologian. I swear, this time I really am making a very serious, thoughtful argument that has never been made before in such detail or with such care. Honest! Why are you laughing?
Shorter Rebecca Hagelin: Want to know how to destroy the librul juggernaut and turn America into the theocracy that it was always meant to be? Buy my book! Coming Mother’s Day, 2009 to a remainder bin book store near you!
Shorter Brent Bozo Bozell III: 498,123rd verse, same as the first: Hollywood and Hollywood alone is to blame for everything from that bad haircut I received last Thursday to male impotence.
Shorter Debra J. Saunders: This Double Reverse Malkin ought to guarantee that I’ll have a shot at the gold medal in the “John Gotti’s Got Nuttin’ on the DemonRATS” event at the Townhall Olympics!
Shorter Cal Thomas: I miss the good old days when Democrats would meekly bend over and take it up the butt from us God-fearing, manly-man red-blooded ‘Murkans.
“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™
* If Mr. Jeffrey sees this, he may decide to wish me out into the cornfield.**
** Cf.
