JABbering Stooge

Given recent evidence that Tom Brokaw is in the tank for Sen. McRove, I thought it would be good to give a preview of tonight’s debate.

AUDIENCE MEMBER #1: Sen. McCain, first question. Are you comfortable? Is there anything we can get for you? A pillow?

SEN. McCAIN: No, not at this time, thanks.

TOM BROKAW: Alright, next question.

AUDIENCE MEMBER #2: Sen. Obama, can you prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that you have never been a Muslim for more than one second?

SEN. OBAMA: Yes, as a matter of fact, I can. I have been a Christian fo-

TOM BROKAW: With all due respect, Senator, it would behoove you to tell the truth in this debate.

SEN. OBAMA: Tom, I am answering truthfully.

TOM BROKAW (irritated): Senator, since it is obvious that you either can’t or won’t answer truthfully, we’ll move on.

AUDIENCE MEMBER #3: Sen. McCain, I have a question about your running mate. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin: Hot or not?

SEN. McCAIN: Oh, yeah. You bet your ass she’s hot! And if I weren’t married to a coked-out beer heiress, I’d do her in a New York Minute! Can you say MILF? I knew you could.

TOM BROKAW: Thank you, Senator. Can we have our next question please?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #4: Senator Obama, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.

SEN. OBAMA: I have served on the Foreign Affairs Committee in the Senate for several years now, and have worked with Sen. Lugar to keep nuclear weapons out of the hands of terrorists. I hav-

TOM BROKAW: Senator, again, I have to remind you to speak truthfully when answering questions. We have time for one more question.

AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: Senator McCain, you have smeared Senator Obama repeatedly this week for the loosest association with Bill Ayers, a former member of the Weather Underground, and participated in a reign of terror when the Senator was eight years old, and continue to do this in spite of your repeated votes to protect anti-abortion terrorists.

TOM BROKAW (exasperated sigh): Do you have a point with this question, ma’am?

AUDIENCE MEMBER #5: I do. Senator, I want to know if you feel any shame for your naked hypocrisy? And while we’re on the subject, do you feel any shame for you and Gov. Palin stirring up lynch mobs against Sen. Obama yesterday?

SEN. McCAIN: Did I mention that I was a POW in Vietnam for five years? The Presidency is MINE, goddammit!!!

TOM BROKAW: Well, we are out of time for this debate. Thank you, audience. Thank you, Senator McCain. Thank you, Senator Obama, terrorist lover. From Belmont University in Nashville, Tennessee, I’m Tom Brokaw. Thank you for watching. Good night.

You’d think that Bill-O would get tired of this by now.

He even gets in the “Do it live!” reference! T3h Aw3s0m3.

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

*Ahem* HAW. HAW. HAW.

Did I get it right?

* I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™ ‘Hte’ is the new ‘teh.’

I don’t know. Something about this chart from Buttmissile over at Swingline Powerline doesn’t seem right. What could it be?

Oh, I know!

Having a GDP growth curve that’s O(e^x) doesn’t mean a thing when you’ve got Gordon Gekko conservatives creating debt on a Ω(n!) growth curve*, doofus!

* Cf.

TS is on point.