Shorter Benny Morris: “Faster, Israel! Kill! Kill! Exterminate the brutes! They’re trying to fluoridate our water supply! Kill ‘em all! Kill! Ki-ooooooohhhh sweet mystery of life at last I’ve fooooooooooounnnnnnd yooooooooooouuuuuu!!!”
Shorter “Aussie Dave”: “Yeeeeeeeeesssssssssssss! The Israeli government is finally doing something about The Eternal Palestinian™!”
Shorter Michael Ledeen: “The so-called ‘reality-based community’ doesn’t realize that the [insert anti-Muslim slur here] are irredeemably violent reprobates who must be culled. Thus they show themselves incapable of making adult foreign policy decisions.”
Shorter Ehud Olmert: “Humanitarian crisis? What humanitarian crisis?”
Shorter Ron Rosenbaum: “Israel’s government is always right, and anyone who says otherwise is a Hitler-fellating anti-Semite!”
Alternate shorter Ron Rosenbaum: “Watch me commit a Godwin violation in the service of slagging libruls!”
Shorter John “Spathi” Hinderaker: “The presence of this photo, which has been obviously Photoshopped to present the Palestinians in the worst possible light, proves that all pictures of Palestinian civilian casualties are forgeries!”
Shorter Yossi Klein Halevi: “If you redefine ‘innocent civilian’ to exclude all non-Israeli residents of the disputed territories, then you can definitely say that this has been one of the most outstanding moments in Israeli history ev4r!”
Shorter Saul Singer: “How DARE those ungrateful, anti-Semitic wretches the world over complain about mythical ‘collateral damage?!’”
Shorter Kate McMillan: “Damn the torpedoes facts! If I want to use the non-existent crucifixion of Christians in Gaza to drum up anti-Muslim hate, it’s my God-given right, goddammit!”
Shorter Michael Goldfarb: “Well, of course Israel’s causing collateral damage! Don’t you know that excessive violence is the only thing these [insert anti-Muslim slur here] understand? Besides, the dude’s wives and children were probably terrorists themselves.”
Shorter Marty Peretz: “Israel’s just teaching the filthy [insert anti-Muslim slur here] not to fuck with them.”
Shorter Suzie-All-Caps: “I blame feminists for the recent phenomenon of female suicide bombers in Gaza.”
Shorter Michelle MalKKKin: “I blame President-elect B. HUSSEIN Osama for giving the damn [insert anti-Muslim slur here] ideas.”
Shorter Dana “Too Much Cappuccino” Perino: We, like, had to destroy the village to save it.
Meanwhile:
Q: Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said the military offensive was against Hamas, not Palestinians living in Gaza. Do you have a message for the Israeli people?
A: I say to them: You have been unjust to yourselves by supporting this war against innocent people in Gaza. Your leaders have fooled you in order to make political gains and harvest more seats (in parliament.)
In the end, you are the ones who will pay for the crimes committed by your leaders. I say to the Israelis, you will pay a heavy price.
STFU, Hamas. You’re not helping the situation.
Here’s an idle thought on the situation: Israel essentially wrote the book on targeted assassinations. So why on Earth do they feel the need to import the American wingnuts’ “Bomb Muslims first, bomb Muslims later, bomb Muslims some more and then when all the Muslims are dead try to ask a question or two” approach to foreign policy?
Juan Cole has more.
