JABbering Stooge

AMBASSADOR DAVID SHERIDAN: John, I can’t imagine the kind of decisions that are going through your mind right now. I’m sure they’re not easy. The important ones never are. But when push comes to shove, you’ve always done the right thing. What was the first lesson I ever taught you?

CAPTAIN JOHN SHERIDAN: Never start a fight, but always finish it.

Babylon 5 — “Severed Dreams”

Oh, gee. Look what’s happening in Afghanistan because we didn’t finish the fight there.*

* I’m sorry if this breaks my pledge to not link to stories from the AP, but I couldn’t find any other source for the story.

Just when you thought the soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock had learned their lesson, here we go again:

NEWS BABE’S ‘IRAQI TRYST’
IN-BEDDED REPORTER ‘TOOK MY HUBBY’

By TODD VENEZIA

Sexy CBS siren Lara Logan spent her days covering the heat of the Iraq war - but that was nothing compared to the heat of her nights.

The “60 Minutes” reporter and former swimsuit model apparently courted two beaus while she was in Baghdad, and has been labeled a homewrecker for allegedly destroying the marriage of a civilian contractor there, sources said.

Passions got so hot in the combat zone that one of her lovers, Joe Burkett, brawled in a Baghdad “safe house” with her other paramour, CNN war reporter Michael Ware, a source said.

Shorter Todd Venezia: “SLUT! Lara Logan’s a SLUT! Look at her! SLUT!”

Furthermore, notice that this dreck was published on Thursday, less than 10 days after Logan appeared on The Daily Show with John Stewart to criticize her bosses for effectively censoring reportage from Iraq that makes The Most Holy George W. Christ the Infallible look bad.

<tabloid>And in other news, it is my sad duty to report that Page Six “reporter” Todd Venezia has been diagnosed with tertiary syphilis stemming from his days plying the underage sex tourism trade in Cambodia. This news comes on the heels of two recent high-profile incidents involving the alleged journalist for Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post; one incident occurred when he sodomized a goat in Central Park, and another in which he was caught in a “compromising position” with a 12-year-old boy.</tabloid>

So Todd, do you see how easy it is to just make up obviously ridiculous bullshit in order to smear someone you disagree with politically? Maybe you ought to think about that before writing your next Murdoch-ordered hit piece.

Given how much ink Page Six and the New York Post have spilled in sliming their political adversaries in the last month, perhaps its time that The Left™ file a class-action defamation lawsuit against Murdoch and his ilk.

Update (06/28/08, 00:43): Hmm. It seems that I’m a little late to the “sue Murdoch’s slime machine” party. It would appear that the fiancée of Gregg Hughes — star of the infamous “Opie and Anthony” radio show — is doing just that. To the tune of <DrEvil>$10 million</DrEvil>. How utterly delicious. I guess you can add my idea to that pile.

Jesse Taylor at Pandagon on Hugh Hewitt’s terrorized gibbering over an Obama presidency:

Ohio State - so awesome that their winning a single game will move the entire nation forward more than four months in time and elect a president.

Buckeyes, baby!

Heh. Inde- oh wait, wrong wingnut.

Case in point: an entry in the “Reading Assignments” section of his daily program notes for June 25. The entry in question reads as follows:

The New York Times ran an Op-Ed saying that Bush actually got one right in his war against Islamic extremism.

Apparently, Boortz expects his suckers sycophants listeners to read that line and think, “See? Even the evil editors at the librul New York Times agrees that Bush has done a wonderful job of microwaving all Muslims fighting Islamic terrorism! Eat it, f*cking traitor DemonRAT scumbags!!!11!1!1!1!!eleventy-one!!11!!”

Sadly, their trust in Boortz as a teller of Painful Truths™©® would be sorely misplaced, as the link goes not to a NYT Editorial Board-endorsed essay, but to the latest Bush-apologia from known hack David Brooks. Worse for Boortz’s alleged credibility, the subject of Brooks’ column was not the War on a Tactic™ in general, but the invasion of Iraq specifically (which, despite the neocons’ protests to the contrary, had absolutely nothing to do with the hunt for Osama bin Laden, Mullah Omar, etc.).

But then, when was the last time that Boortz ever said anything that had even the most tangential relationship with the truth?

According to Jonathan Weisman and Anne Kornblut, McCain adviser Charlie Black’s comment that another 9/11 would be a “big advantage” for the Arizona Senator is good news for the Republicans.

Oy.

No diversity on campus

• So what if Phyllis Schlafly received an honorary doctorate from Washington University, George W. Bush spoke at the Air Force Academy graduation, Justice Clarence Thomas spoke at the University of Georgia graduation ceremony and Sen. Lindsey Graham spoke at the Citadel’s commencement exercises? Never mind the facts! If academia wants to prove their Fair & Balanced™ bona fides, they need to stop inviting anyone to the left of Torquemada to be commencement speakers!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

One definition of insanity is attempting the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Or as the Obama campaign put it:

John McCain stubbornly insists on continuing a dangerous and failed foreign policy that has clearly made the United States and Israel less secure. Here are the results of the policies that John McCain has supported, and would continue. During the Bush Administration, Iran has dramatically expanded its nuclear program, going from zero centrifuges to more than 3000 centrifuges. During the Bush Administration, Iran has expanded its influence throughout a vitally important region, plying Hamas and Hezbollah with money and arms. During the Bush Administration, Hamas took over Gaza. Most importantly, the war in Iraq that John McCain supported and promises to continue indefinitely has done more to dramatically strengthen and embolden Iran than anything in a generation.

Confronted with that reality, John McCain promises four more years of the same policies that have strengthened Iran, making the United States and Israel less safe. He promises to continue a war in Iraq that has emboldened Iran and strengthened its hand. He promises sanctions that the Bush Administration has been unable to persuade the Security Council to deliver. He promises a divestment campaign, even though he refused to sign on to Barack Obama’s bipartisan divestment bill, refused to get his colleagues to lift an anonymous hold on the bill, and willfully ignores the fact that trade and investment between Iran and Iraq continue to expand. He stubbornly refuses to engage in aggressive diplomacy, ruling it out unconditionally as a tool of American power.

Instead of recognizing reality, John McCain continues to run on a platform of doubling down on George Bush’s failed policies, while carrying on his divisive brand of politics. The United States and Israel cannot afford four more years of an unwillingness to change course.

Exactly.

According to The Stupidest Fucking Guy on the Face of the Planet™, this

does not mean that the Bush administration lied us into war, but were merely acting on erroneous information from those incompetent boobs at the CIA and every other Western intelligence agency.**

Right. <Wayne Campbell>And monkeys might fly out of my butt!</Wayne Campbell>

* Cf.

** Via ThinkProgress.

Damned if I know.

Sen. Ted Kennedy has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.

Expect wingnut schadenfreude and inappropriate jokes about Sen. Kennedy being a malignant brain tumor in 5…4…3…2…1…

Update (May 20, 2008, 16:44): Wow… that didn’t take long. According to Pam Spaulding over at Pandagon (and gordo at The Liberal Avenger), those oh-so-tactful-and-rational-non-haters at LibrulFreiRepubliKKK — the very same people who posted the address (among other things) of the Chuy’s manager who carded Jenna Bush — had to pull several threads because of the sheer torrent of hate and glee directed at the Massachusetts senator.