JABbering Stooge

With the help of Clinton’s penis, no less (according to Pillz-E):

What, did Obama spike your Viagra with roofies? Did Obama switch your OxyContin™ with Folgers Crystals, or something?

Sidebar: I apologize for all the 80s hairdos in the video at that last link.

What happens in Vegas doesn’t necessarily stay in Vegas, apparently (especially if blackmail is involved, assuming Drudgico is accurate):

(CNN) — Sen. John Ensign of Nevada admitted Tuesday to an extramarital affair with a woman who had worked for him.

Ensign, 51, would not identify the woman but said she and her husband had been “close friends.” Her husband, he said, also worked for him.

“Last year, I had an affair,” the Republican senator said outside his office in Las Vegas. “I violated the vows of marriage. It’s absolutely the worst thing I’ve done in my life.”

“I take full responsibility for my actions. I know I have deeply hurt and disappointed my wife, Darlene, my children, my family, friends, my staff and those who believed in me. And to all of them, especially my wife, I’m truly sorry,” he said.

That wouldn’t be homophobic Theocon and Clinton-crotch-hound Sen. John Ensign (R — NV), would it? Why yes, it would.

Drink deeply of that wellspring of GOP hypocrisy, folks. It is truly The Nectar of the Gods™.

With a vote of 94-2, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton is now Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Diaper Boy and Jim “Worthless Barnacle” DeMented were the two “nay” votes.

When Bush was booed at the inaugural ceremony today, Keith Olbermann and even Chris Matthews were quick to criticize it.

Brit Hume, on the other hand, couldn’t be bothered to even try to say something nice about former President Clinton.

Kind of says a lot about the differences between the left and the right, doncha’ think?

Remember how in the wake of the passage of Proposition H8 the gay-bashers promised that it wouldn’t apply to those who had gotten married in the period between the California Supreme Court ruling in May and Nov. 4?

Yeah. It turns out that they were lying their asses off, same as always:

The Yes on 8 campaign filed a brief telling the court that because the new law holds that only marriages between a man and a woman are recognized or valid in California, the state can no longer recognize the existing same-sex unions.

They’re coming for George Takei’s marriage. And if Sulu’s state-sanctioned contract isn’t safe, no one’s is! But wait, whose spooge-stain is that I spy on the amicus brief?

“Proposition 8’s brevity is matched by its clarity. There are no conditional clauses, exceptions, exemptions or exclusions,” reads the brief co-written by Kenneth Starr, dean of Pepperdine University’s law school and a former independent counsel who investigated President Bill Clinton.

Yep, ol’ Ken “Sticky Fingers” Starr himself is throwing his little head behind the effort to rob Ellen Degeneres of her freshly-minted marriage license. Can you say, “obsession?” I knew you could.

Riddle me this: what planet is MSRNC’s Domenico Montanaro living on?

While the political world continues to focus on the Blagojevich scandal, which at this point has been only a headache for the incoming Obama administration (although he’ll probably get a question — or two or three — about it at today’s press conference), it’s important not to overlook this fact: Obama is enjoying a bigger honeymoon than his recent predecessors ever did. Just consider these numbers in the latest NBC/WSJ poll: 67% say they’re pleased with Obama’s early appointments, 75% believe that the level of his involvement in making policy has been exactly right, and his fav/unfav rating is 67%-16%. By comparison, a month after their initial presidential victories, Bush’s rating was 48%-35% and Clinton’s was 60%-19%.

Whatever “honeymoon” Obama is receiving from the public, it doesn’t matter in the rough-and-tumble world of Beltway politics. The ones who do matter — the press and the Loyal Opposition™ — are giving him exactly the same “honeymoon” that they gave Clinton — NONE.

Idiots.

There’s stupid, and there’s reality. And it’s an ugly, ugly, ugly**, FUGLY reality.

But never mind reality. We all know that it has a liberal bias. Which is why Republicans and their whores cheerleaders in the “librul” media are jumping to give Obama the exact same honeymoon they gave Clinton — NONE.

* Cf.

** Actually, Blagojevich’s situation is most similar to that of Randy “Duke” Cunningham, he of the infamous “bribe menu.”

Nancy, you have some ’splainin to do!

Even if you hadn’t heard the rumors, the fact that there was a schedule change printout laying at every seat denoting the extended Q & A session with Speaker Pelosi practically screamed that something was up. My former representative, Lloyd Doggett, introduced the Speaker of the House, who gave a 10-15 minute speech praising the netroots for our efforts in returning sanity to America. After a little high school theater, that something was revealed: Al Gore had decided to drop in on Netroots Nation. It was definitely something to see.

For a more detailed recap, you might want to check out Paul Hogarth at Calitics and Jill Tubman over at Jack and Jill Politics. Rachel Sklar also has a good overview over at Huffington Post, if you want to start there. My only quibble with Rachel’s recap is her description of a “brief disruption” from the Code Pink protesters, as “several brief disruptions” would be a more accurate depiction.

Here we go again with the blaming everything as far back as the Fall of Man on Clinton’s penis:

Justice for all?

Re: June 6 editorial “Justice for all ….”

The American-Statesman applauded the prison sentence handed down to Lewis “Scooter” Libby, saying that for a “highly successful lawyer serving in the White House” it is inexcusable to break the law by lying to federal investigators. The Statesman said that for someone in Libby’s position, anything less than prison would “do serious damage to this nation’s adherent promise of justice for all.”

Huh?

Not long ago a “successful lawyer (Bill Clinton) serving in the White House” intentionally and repeatedly lied to investigators and lied under oath to a federal grand jury. DNA evidence proved the lie. So what was his fate?

If “justice for all” is truly the goal, shouldn’t the Statesman be clamoring for a library named for Libby, book deals for him and $100,000-plus speaking fees?

Justice for all? Who are you kidding?

JIM <REDACTED>

First off, there’s the omission of the qualifier “highly” from this bozo’s description of Clinton, implying (intentionally or not) that Clinton was somehow less successful in life than Scooter Libby. I know I’m just a stupid, evil, terrorist, traitor, Spawn-of-Satan “librul,” but I find it hard to believe that one could be much more successful than winning two terms to the highest political office in the nation. Oh wait, that’s right. To wingnuts, success in politics doesn’t count if you have a “D” after your name.

Secondly, this “Clinton did it, so it’s OK if conservatives do it” is the ultimate Tu Quoque fallacy. You guys made lying about oral sex a criminal issue, so it’s only fair that conservatives who get caught with their hands in the proverbial cookie jar get held to the same accountability standard. I thought you guys were supposed to be the party of “personal responsibility?”

But really, this whole “Everything is Clinton’s fault” shtick has gone waaaaaaay too far. It’s become “The Dog Ate My Homework” of conservative excuses that they trot out every time one of their policies turns to complete and utter shit. It’s gotten old, and quite frankly, I’m getting damn tired of hearing it.

Domestic terrorist Michelle MalKKKin blames Clinton’s Almighty Penis for the Fort Dix Six.

Sadly, MalKKKin wasn’t the only one exploiting the arrests for political gain. The Hannity sez:

What do you think we’re likely to find out in the next couple of days about surveillance and how that helped, how the Patriot Act helped, how all the measures that were put in place after 9/11 were of assistance, considering these issues are in quite dispute, especially among Democrats in Washington?

Ummm, Sean? No warrantless wiretaps, no extraordiary rendition, no torture was involved in the disruption of the plot. Just good old fashioned law enforcement. You know, the tactic you and your ilk constantly decry as completely and utterly ineffective next to nuking the entire Middle East (minus Israel) and herding all Muslims into human-sized microwaves for the crime of being Muslim.