JABbering Stooge

THE (NON) VAST MAJORITY

I’ve been hearing this phrase used by virtually every person in the Obama administration America … “the vast majority.” Must be a new focus group term the Democrats have learned that damned liberal-biased reality again. They are, as you know, the party of focus group phraseology reality.

What I want to know is …… what about that small minority the Bernie Madoffs and John Thains of the world? Who are those people and why aren’t they the only ones being considered in these proposals? Don’t our laws apply to all? Shouldn’t our laws only apply to the “mythical little people?”

Oh wait, I know. The (non) vast majority are the achievers, the greedy rich, the small business owners, the capitalists, the investors, the successful the corporate greedheads, the kelptocrats, the white collar crooks, the Ponzi schemers, the incompetent boobs who have been promoted according to the Converse Dilbert Principle. The Obama administration is making a point to ignore them completely, until it comes time to take their money and redistribute to fund his dreams and schemes for them to stop being free riders and actually contribute something to a cause greater than themselves.

The (non) vast majority. Those are the only people the Obama administration should really be worrying about pandering to, OR ELSE. But that won’t score you many wealth-envy fuck-the-poor points … will it?

I fixed your typos, Neal.

Remember, folks: this guy used to be a lawyer.

If Fuckin’ Joe thinks torture produces reliable information “75% of the time” then perhaps he’d like to answer some questions about Lori Klausutis while being waterboarded…

* The title of this post refers to the nickname many liberal bloggers made up for him after he dropped the F-bomb on air.

Mitch McShameless (R — Spite Caucus) falls in line on the auto bailout:

Bailout for the Big Three stalls in Senate
GOP senators demand key upfront concessions from United Auto Workers

WASHINGTON - With time growing short, the $14 billion auto industry bailout bill stalled in the Senate on Thursday as Republicans demanded upfront concessions from the United Auto Workers as the price for their support.

UAW and auto industry officials were in talks with key Republicans and Democrats at the Capitol, although it wasn’t clear what, if any, givebacks the union was willing to discuss.

The developments unfolded after Senate Republican leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky joined other GOP lawmakers in announcing his opposition to a White House-backed bill that was approved by the House on Wednesday. He called for an alternative that would reduce the wages and benefits of the Big Three automakers to bring them in line with those paid by Japanese carmakers Nissan, Toyota and Honda.

Earth to Sen. McConnell, the wages of those evil union workers are already down to non-union levels! You’re squeezing blood from a stone here. Any more cuts and those demonic union workers will owe their employers every pay period. Do you really want the auto industry to adopt a payroll pyramid scheme?

Come to think of it, that’s conservative fiscal/tax policy in a nutshell.

Here’s McShameless’s Senate speech on the auto bailout on truth serum:

You know that anti-Prop. H8 ad that I mentioned a couple of posts ago? Well, to be honest, I found it over at this wingnut blog devoted to abusing Article VI’s ban on religious litmus tests for public office as cover for their bigotry. Naturally, on Election Day they reprinted a press release from a local pro-Prop. H8 Catholic organization condemning the anti-Prop. H8 ad in question. I have decided to run the press release through a round of truth serum.

News Release

For Immediate Release Contact: Chip White
[PHONE NO. REDACTED]
Catholic Conference Condemns Outrageous All No on 8 TV Commercials

SACRAMENTO, Nov. 3 — The California Catholic Conference today condemned as “bigoted and intolerant” “too damn close to the truth” a new ‘No on Proposition 8′ television commercial scheduled to run on TV stations tomorrow. The ad, produced by a group called ‘Courage Campaign Issues Committee’ and viewable at

http://www.kutv.com/content/news/topnews/story.aspx?content_id=e1f83189-843f-41d7-84c4-2029fbd9a2ce or http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q28UwAyzUkE

depicts supposed missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints conducting a home invasion of a lesbian couple’s home to steal their wedding rings and rip up their marriage license.

Bishop Stephen Blaire, the President of the California Catholic Conference decried the new advertisement from opponents of Proposition 8 as “a blatant display of religious bigotry and intolerance.” “accurately exposing our naked hatred of anyone who isn’t a straight, male conservative Christian.” He expressed dismay that any public media outlet would give it an airing. “The YES on 8 campaign is not about discrimination and intolerance; it is about restoring the traditional definition of marriage for the good of society and children bringing a repressive theocracy to America and the persecution of anyone who isn’t like us for the good of our pocketbooks,” said Bishop Blaire. “All individuals and groups, whether religious or not, We and we alone should have both a right and a responsibility to participate in a civil debate about this important issue. From the beginning of this campaign, the Catholic Conference has stressed the importance of mutual respect disrespecting homosexuals and denounces this type of religious bigotry any type of bigotry not practiced by us.”

# # #

Protect Marriage Bigotry, [MAILING ADDRESS REDACTED]

To be removed from our mailing spam list, please send an email to [E-MAIL ADDRESS REDACTED].

For more information, visit www.ProtectMarriageBigotry.com

Paid for by ProtectMarriageBigotry.com — Yes on 8, a project of California Renewal Eschaton Immanentization Project*. [MAILING ADDRESS REDACTED]. [PHONE NO. REDACTED]. Major funding by Knights Templar of Columbus Gilead, National Organization for Marriage Enforced Heteronormativity California Committee and Focus on the Family Anus.

* Cf.

I’ve decided to introduce a new semi-regular segment to this blog: A Day in the Life of a Random Conservative. This segment will consist of about a day’s worth of content from a chosen conservative’s web site/e-newsletters. The overall format will be a vertiable potpourri of schticks - some my own (e.g., Conservatives on Truth Serum), some borrowed from my blog betters (e.g., Shorter Random Conservative). I’ll probably be experimenting with the format for a bit as I learn what works and what doesn’t. I think you’ll see what I mean after a few of these. And who knows - this may just degenerate intto a bastard cousin of the Two-Minute Townhalls that the fine folks at Sadly, No! put out every once in a while. We’ll see.

And so, without further ado, let’s commence the experiment! Our first victim test subject is none other than The High Priest of the Church of Agitprop, Neal Boortz. The target: yesterday’s "Nealz Nuze" section - the smegma segment of his website where he posts his "program notes" for the day.

Head below the fold to begin the fun! (Wait, THIS is fun? I SWEAR I’m not filching from Pillz-E’s stash! Honest!)

Note: For some reason, Blogsome chose today of all days to get all bent-out-of-shape about nested blockquote tags, so I can’t include the listener e-mails Boortz refers to in this post. They are available at his website, however, should you wish to read them.

The fine folks at Sadly, No! (among other places) have already done a fabulous job tearing apart the post over at NRO where Mark Steyn, Scientologist, declared his eternal enmity for the media’s anointed GOP saint, Sen. John McCain. However, I just wanted to get at one of the many absurdities Steyn vomits up in his objections to the senior Senator (in more ways than one) from Arizona:

As for his my line about “some greedy people on Wall Street extremely atypical poster [children who] need to be punished are Fair Game™“, aside from being almost entirely irrelevant to the subject under discussion (the subprime S-CHIP “crisis”), it reveals, I think, one of the most unpleasant aspects of McCain myself. For a so-called “maverick” “compassionate conservative”, he’s very comfortable with I get a giant stiffy from the application of Big Government Corporate power, and the assumption of Big Government Corporate virtue - especially if it’s applied against those Lucky Duckies™ who have to choose between paying the rent and keeping their children fed and healthy.

Okay, I’ll admit it. I slipped him a truth-serum mickey here. I promise, it won’t happen again (unless he deserves it).

Undoubtedly there are “greedy people on Wall Street”. Why should he and his chums be the ones who decide whether they need to be “punished”?

Gee, I dunno, Mark. Undoubtedly there are Muslims in Canada, too. Why should you and your chums be the ones who decide whether they need to be “culled”?

If greed is to be punishable, why doesn’t he start with a pilot program applied to, say, the United States Senate and report back to us in five years how that’s going?

Well, if sectarian jihads are to be punishable, why don’t you start with a pilot program applied to, say, Canadian conservatives (especially those who want to shove all Muslims into human-sized microwaves) and report back to us in five years how that’s going?

Yech. I’m not sure I can stand any more of Steyn’s extra-batshit-crazy blend of wingnuttery. Better get a bucket, I’m gonna throw up!

* The title is a reference to two things - the “Canadian comfort food” and the anti-Scientology website Operation Clambake. I thought it rather appropriate given that the subject of this post declared a 12-year-old “Fair Game.”

I’m utterly embarrassed to say that Lamar Smith (R - Naturally) is my congressman. Unfortunately, he was one of the beneficiaries of DeLay’s Power Grab™. And he goes all out demonstrating why he sucks as a congressman. He does more projection than a 24-screen multiplex* in accusing Democrats of politicizing national security by fighting retroactive immunity for telecoms who participate in Bush’s illegal domestic spying program. In response, I thought it appropriate to run his op-ed in the Moonie-run Washington Times through the truth serum filter. As usual, struck out text is text that would not be “uttered” if the subject were on truth serum, and italicized red text is text that would be “spoken” if the subject were on truth serum.

As promised, here’s my take on The Most Holy George W. Christ commuting Libby’s sentence (with the promise of a full pardon to come) if he had been on truth serum at the time.

Via TBogg:

Congressman Eric Cantor (R-VA) who is the Chief Deputy Assistant Night Manager Trainee Whip has a great idea to jump start the moribund Republican party. Employ the boundless American ingenuity that has given us the electric light, the automobile, and beer bottle labels that turn blue to let you know the beer is cold. So Eric has set up the Solutions Factory where yokels American Patriots can share their vision of the Republican Renewal.

And where might one find this ball of offal? Why right here. Let’s look at some of the proposals:

Truth Pravda in Media

Require media personalities - reporters, talking heads, debate moderators - to disclose/display their own stance on issues they’re reporting on or discussing. For example, when doing a story on Iraq, there should be a caption indicating whether the reporter is pro- or anti- regarding the war blindly parrot only pro-Republican goodfacts.

Standard fare wingnuttery, so far. Let’s see some more.

No Naming of Public Property After Self

I propose congress be prohibited from sponsoring any bill which includes any provision for naming a program, entitlement, street, highway, bridge, sewer (well, okay, we’ll leave that one in) building, monument, community, tree, insect, vegetable, asteroid, comet, planet, and/or anything else after a sitting senator or congressman and for up to 25 years after leaving office. Further, no community or local, county, state or federal government body may name any of the above mentioned items after a sitting senator or congressman and for up to 25 years after leaving office. Why tempt them with free advertising?

That…actually sounds halfway decent. Maybe we could tweak it just a little…

Perma-ban on Naming Everything That’s Nailed Down (And Even Most Stuff That Isn’t) After St. Ronnie The Red-Ink Raygun

That oughta do it - for both that “solution” and the rest of the site. The stupid starts to burn after a while.

Coming soon to an anti-Muslim propaganda poster near you.

You know, it’s been a while since I last unleashed the truth serum on a prominent conservative. I think we’re about due for another round. And boy howdy, I don’t think that there ever was a more appropriate target than Michelle MalKKKin’s racist, Christofascist claptrap last week. As with the last time I did this, I’ll present the text of her piece of offal, marking it up as I go in the following manner:

• Text that is gray and marked through represents something the conservative would not say if forced to tell the truth.

• Text that is red and italicized represents something the conservative would say if forced to tell the truth.