JABbering Stooge

Last Thursday over at America’s Shittiest Website™, where the motto is “The World’s Leading Source of Groupthink Since 1955,” they were actually having *gasp!* a genuine, heated debate! Quelle horreur!! The subject? Whether or not Bill Donohue was right to go apeshit on P.Z. Myers over “Crackergate.”

For the most part, the “debate” featured Andrew Stuttaford worrying that Donohue was replicating the “horrors” of campus speech codes on one side, and larger-than-life Kathryn Jean Lopez writing love letters to Donohue on the other side (when she wasn’t outright threatening violence against Dr. Myers, that is). At a couple of points in the “debate,” the Doughy Pantload scratches his crotch, farts, and then belches tepid support for K-Lo’s “position” (assuming she can be said to have a position other than on her knees in front of Donohue). Sadly, the reparteé only lasts about five hours before the gang goes back to what they do best: declaring that Jesse Jackson’s off-camera comments about wanting to castrate Obama only prove that Obama should be kept as far away from the Big Red Button™ as humanly possible.

Nevertheless, K-Lo manages to get in the last word. And what a doozy it is! Check it out:

There are many words I can think of to describe Bill — victim is not one of them. He’s protecting, and fighting for, that which he loves. And he’s doing it fairly. [He’s not. He’s blatantly lying about Myers to make his point. — Ed.] He’s not abusing our legal system. [Wrong. He’s trying to get the Minnesota legislature to punish Myers by legal fiat — an abuse of the legal system by any standard except, apparently, the standard of NRO. — Ed.] He’s not begging for special treatment from the government or anyone else. [He is. You don’t exactly see him blowing his stack over maltreatment of Muslims at American universities, do you? — Ed.] He’s certainly not rioting in the streets are calling for violence. [Not yet, but given his recent history, it won’t be long now. — Ed.] It’s a refreshing thing to see.

The pathological blindness is just overwhelming. But it’s just par for the course for K-Lo. As a commenter at Snarky Bastards put it:

[E]veryone has behaved almost entirely to form:

• Bill Donahue has whined and bitched and tried to get people fired.

• PZ Myers has acted like a complete asshole.

• Kathryn Lopez has written something embarrassingly stupid.

Seriously, guys. Call me back when man bites dog.

That she has.

Bill,

We need to talk. Either that, or you need to seek professional help.

Shorter Jon Sanders:

"Spiritual" Democrats and the Satanic Rape Ritual

• Aha! I gotcha, you foul DemonRATs! I found an obscure Democrat whose alleged Satanism led to heinous crimes, so yer all evil Satan-worshippers who have no right to any role in civilized society! Bwa hahahaha!!! 

Shorter Phil Harris:

The Liberal’s Agenda — Antichrist or just anti-Christ?

• Jesus loves me! This I know,
  For Larry Elder tells me so.
  Liberals shall burn in hell;
  They think Satan is so swell.

"Shorter" concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Quoth the Boortz:

Dennis Haybert who played President Palmer on "24" says that his portrayal of the first black US president helped paved [sic] the way for Barack Obama. I’d rather have Haybert than Obama.

So Neal, you’d rather have a president who appointed cabinet members who turned out to be traitors, whose wife was killed in the fallout from a political scandal, and had a terrorist nuke cook off on American soil on his watch?* Oh, and he’s an <Boortzian sneer>evil DemonRAT</Boortzian sneer>. You sure you want that? Okay then. Glad we found that out now when we could still do something about it.

* With apologies to Christian Finnegan.

Just when you thought the soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock had learned their lesson, here we go again:

NEWS BABE’S ‘IRAQI TRYST’
IN-BEDDED REPORTER ‘TOOK MY HUBBY’

By TODD VENEZIA

Sexy CBS siren Lara Logan spent her days covering the heat of the Iraq war - but that was nothing compared to the heat of her nights.

The “60 Minutes” reporter and former swimsuit model apparently courted two beaus while she was in Baghdad, and has been labeled a homewrecker for allegedly destroying the marriage of a civilian contractor there, sources said.

Passions got so hot in the combat zone that one of her lovers, Joe Burkett, brawled in a Baghdad “safe house” with her other paramour, CNN war reporter Michael Ware, a source said.

Shorter Todd Venezia: “SLUT! Lara Logan’s a SLUT! Look at her! SLUT!”

Furthermore, notice that this dreck was published on Thursday, less than 10 days after Logan appeared on The Daily Show with John Stewart to criticize her bosses for effectively censoring reportage from Iraq that makes The Most Holy George W. Christ the Infallible look bad.

<tabloid>And in other news, it is my sad duty to report that Page Six “reporter” Todd Venezia has been diagnosed with tertiary syphilis stemming from his days plying the underage sex tourism trade in Cambodia. This news comes on the heels of two recent high-profile incidents involving the alleged journalist for Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post; one incident occurred when he sodomized a goat in Central Park, and another in which he was caught in a “compromising position” with a 12-year-old boy.</tabloid>

So Todd, do you see how easy it is to just make up obviously ridiculous bullshit in order to smear someone you disagree with politically? Maybe you ought to think about that before writing your next Murdoch-ordered hit piece.

Given how much ink Page Six and the New York Post have spilled in sliming their political adversaries in the last month, perhaps its time that The Left™ file a class-action defamation lawsuit against Murdoch and his ilk.

Update (06/28/08, 00:43): Hmm. It seems that I’m a little late to the “sue Murdoch’s slime machine” party. It would appear that the fiancée of Gregg Hughes — star of the infamous “Opie and Anthony” radio show — is doing just that. To the tune of <DrEvil>$10 million</DrEvil>. How utterly delicious. I guess you can add my idea to that pile.

U. S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly (who is also head of the FISA court) has ruled that the White House Office of Administration is not subject to FOIA. Frankly, this is not one of Judge Kollar-Kotelly’s better decisions. Given the desperate lengths that the White House is going to hide their complicity in a wide variety of crimes — from PlameGate to voter suppresion and politicizing the Justice Department — going to the WHOA is about the only avenue we have left to hold these criminal bastards accountable. And to say that we can’t go to them and say, “Please tell us about the e-mails that have been mysteriously deleted,” is just simply unconscionable.

The soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock* at Page Six of Murdoch house organ the New York Post, who thought it would be funny to channel the FreiRepublikkk vs. Mia Lawrence incident and publish Keith Olbermann’s home address for every wingnut with a pipebomb and an axe to grind to see.

As one commenter at Randi Rhodes’ message forum put it, “this is a new low for Murdoch.”

* With apologies to Sean Wardwell.

She put up a post about May 1 being “Loyalty Day” in America. The usual chucklenuts chimed in to bash everything to the left of Torquemada, and it seemed that all would be well in Wingnutistan…until this comment by one Bruce Tyson appeared:

On May 2nd, 2008 at 7:57 am, Bruce said:

Yeah right. Now let’s try to mainstream this little known holiday. Also, let’s castrate those who think that demanding loyalty is not necessarily a good thing.

Consider this: we have one of the most oppressive, brutal, invasive, and wasteful governments that has ever been known to mankind. Does Loyalty Day call for loyalty to the Federal Government or does it call for loyalty to the USA as the USA is described in the Constitution of the United States?

I think most people probably consider loyalty to be to the USA as it is now, not loyalty to a Constitution that has been progressively shredded since the 1860’s.

As for me, I do not consent to the illegal and un-Constitutional government that now oppresses us. I do, however, remain loyal to the Constitution.

Wow. A two-fer. Openly fascist (”castrate those who think demanding loyalty is not necessarily a good thing.”) AND nakedly racist (”a Constitution that has been progressively shredded since the 1860s.”). Bruce, you do realize that rolling back the Constitution to where it was in the 1860s would reinstate slavery, right?

Alright, Michelle. In “honor” of the (double) standard that Sen. Obama is being held to for the most tangential of associations with anyone — particularly in the African-American community — who has the slightest cloud of controversy hanging over him/her by wingnuts and the media (but I repeat myself), here’s a little test for you. Do you renounce and denounce Bruce? Do you disown and decry him? Do you spurn, shun, malign, vilify and hope birds poop on him? If you don’t, then we can only assume that you heartily endorse every single word he has ever written in any of his past lifetimes.

After all, fair’s fair.

Oh noes! It looks like the Bushies’ justification for glassing Syria just went up in smoke!*

The CIA published three aerial photographs last week purporting to show a Syrian nuclear reactor, bombed by Israel last September. But are the pictures all that they seem? Doubts about their authenticity have been raised by Professor William Beeman, head of anthropology at the University of Minnesota, who has had a long involvement with the Middle East.

He posted on a Los Angeles Times website a note received from a “colleague with US security clearance” pointing out “irregularities”. The unnamed colleague said a picture taken before the bombing looked as if it had been digitally enhanced, noting that the lower part of the building, the annexe and the windows pointing south appeared much sharper than the rest.

He also questioned why the alleged reactor had no air defences, no military checkpoints and no powerlines. Turning to two shots of the bombed building, he noted that the first showed a rectangular building and the second a square one. Were they the same building?

— The Guardian, “Are these Syrian nuclear pictures faked?”, May 1, 2008

Could this be a sign of conservatives engaging in “fauxtography?” The L. A. Times‘ blogger seems to think so:

The lower part of the building, the annex, and the windows pointing south appear much sharper than the rest of the photo, suggesting that they were digitally improved.

The author points to more questions about the photographs of the Syrian site.

1. Satellite photos of the alleged reactor building show no air defenses or anti-aircraft batteries such as the ones found around the Natanz nuclear site in central Iran.

2. The satellite images do not show any military checkpoints on roads near the building.

3. Where are the power lines? The photos show neither electricity lines or substations.

4. Here is a link to a photo of the North Korean facility that the Syrian site was based on. Look at all the buildings surrounding it. The Syrian site was just one building.

You know, you’d think that Stalkin’ Malkin would be on this like flies on shit, considering how much manufactured outrage she expended on allegedly anti-Israeli Photoshopping. Oh wait, that’s right. It would violate two of her sacred principles:

1. The IOKIYAR Principle

2. The “Anything That Undermines the Cause of Nuking All Muslims Abroad and Microwaving All Domestic Muslims Must Be Ignored” Principle

And we can’t have that, now can we?

* Via gordo at The Liberal Avenger.

No longer The Party Of Ideas™©®.

Via Crooks and Liars.