JABbering Stooge

Saturday Night Live’s take on the Second Presidential Debate, 2008:

Kinda brings back memories, doesn’t it?

It’s official: Al Franken will be the next junior Senator from Minnesota. This just goes to show that when you count all the votes, Democrats win. Which probably explains this:

What a year it’s been. And next year promises to be even more eventful. Joy.

See you on the flip side!

This cartoon by John Sherffius sums it up nicely:

Texas Board of Education member and Professional Creationist Nutjob Cynthia Dunbar, for her unhinged fearmongering rant about an Obama presidency. And yes, she’s a product of that diploma mill known as Regent University!

Perhaps we ought to try and get her law license revoked for the good of society. Her anti-Obama screed and attempts to push Genesis 1:1 as the only acceptable science textbook certainly qualify as “Influencing improperly a government agency or official.” And if nothing else, she’ll be so busy defending her meal ticket that she won’t have time to try to turn Texas’ public schools into Christianist indoctrination centers.

It is a sad spectacle watching the mixed bag of nuts over at Townhall drown their sorrows over Tuesday’s election. Let’s watch the slow-motion trainwreck, shall we?

Shorter Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.:

Yes, They Can

• SHRIIIEEEEEEEEK! Obama has enabled Sharia Creep™©®!!!1!1!!1!!1!eleventy-one!

Shorter Kevin McCullough:

No, We Can’t

• Buck up, fellow conservative warriors! Surely the American people will come back to us once they realize that their Messiah can’t save them! And we can help them realized that by persuing the exact same strategy that got our butts handed to us on Tuesday!

Shorter Paul Jacob:

The real agents of change

• We can get control of congress back with our new motto: “‘Change’ is the new ‘status quo!’” Wait, why are you laughing?

Shorter Doug Giles:

Should Christians Honor Barack Obama?

• B. Hussein will never be my president — he’s an evil, Marxist terrorist-loving Muslim! And I say to him, “And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.”

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Mormonism (and Catholicism): The haunting fear that some homosexual, somewhere, may be happy.

Indeed. And here’s a YouTube video to drive the point home:

* What Would H. L. Mencken Say?

Shorter WingNutDaily calumnist columnist Janet Porter:

You cannot be a Christian and vote for Obama

• Any “Christian” who votes for that Marxist, terrorist, Satanist, baby-killer who wants to fluoridate our water, B. Hussein Obama, are heretics who should be drummed out of the faith (and maybe out of their American citizenship, while we’re at it)!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

you listen:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don’t mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We’re gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that’s not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS workers and gym teachers and such, they won’t have to pay their taxes either.

Oh and too bad California, I know you were looking forward to the revenue from all of those extra marriages. I guess you will have to find some other way to get out of the budget trouble you are in.

Normally, I’m kind of leery of tax dodging as a means of protest, but if that’s what it takes to shame these conservatives nutjobs (assuming they have any capacity to be shamed), then knock yourself out!

But honestly, the heavy involvement of the Mormon and Catholic Churches in the pro-Prop. H8 movement just proves the point my favorite philosopher made about Church/State issues:

I don’t know how you feel, but I’m pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else! The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.
— George Carlin: Napalm and Silly Putty (also in What Am I Doing In New Jersey?)

Indeed.

Local crusty old coot John Kelso weighs in on California’s Prop. H8. The money quote:

You know how you never hear anybody say, “Boy, those Californians sure are nutty, aren’t they?” Well, Californians want to keep it that way.

Actually, after the passage of Prop. H8, I’m starting to have my doubts…