JABbering Stooge

Shorter Bushite Health and Human Services Department:

HHS Moves to Define Contraception as Abortion

• In order to prevent discrimination against lunatic theocrats poor, persecuted Christians, we have to discriminate against innocent women desperately seeking basic reproductive health services!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Just when you thought the soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock had learned their lesson, here we go again:

NEWS BABE’S ‘IRAQI TRYST’
IN-BEDDED REPORTER ‘TOOK MY HUBBY’

By TODD VENEZIA

Sexy CBS siren Lara Logan spent her days covering the heat of the Iraq war - but that was nothing compared to the heat of her nights.

The “60 Minutes” reporter and former swimsuit model apparently courted two beaus while she was in Baghdad, and has been labeled a homewrecker for allegedly destroying the marriage of a civilian contractor there, sources said.

Passions got so hot in the combat zone that one of her lovers, Joe Burkett, brawled in a Baghdad “safe house” with her other paramour, CNN war reporter Michael Ware, a source said.

Shorter Todd Venezia: “SLUT! Lara Logan’s a SLUT! Look at her! SLUT!”

Furthermore, notice that this dreck was published on Thursday, less than 10 days after Logan appeared on The Daily Show with John Stewart to criticize her bosses for effectively censoring reportage from Iraq that makes The Most Holy George W. Christ the Infallible look bad.

<tabloid>And in other news, it is my sad duty to report that Page Six “reporter” Todd Venezia has been diagnosed with tertiary syphilis stemming from his days plying the underage sex tourism trade in Cambodia. This news comes on the heels of two recent high-profile incidents involving the alleged journalist for Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post; one incident occurred when he sodomized a goat in Central Park, and another in which he was caught in a “compromising position” with a 12-year-old boy.</tabloid>

So Todd, do you see how easy it is to just make up obviously ridiculous bullshit in order to smear someone you disagree with politically? Maybe you ought to think about that before writing your next Murdoch-ordered hit piece.

Given how much ink Page Six and the New York Post have spilled in sliming their political adversaries in the last month, perhaps its time that The Left™ file a class-action defamation lawsuit against Murdoch and his ilk.

Update (06/28/08, 00:43): Hmm. It seems that I’m a little late to the “sue Murdoch’s slime machine” party. It would appear that the fiancée of Gregg Hughes — star of the infamous “Opie and Anthony” radio show — is doing just that. To the tune of <DrEvil>$10 million</DrEvil>. How utterly delicious. I guess you can add my idea to that pile.

This one’s for you, Johnathan M. Fredman*:

Via ThinkProgress.

* Fredman had this to say about torture: “It is basically subject to perception. If the detainee dies, you’re doing it wrong.“

Via TPM Election Central (Via the fine folks at Sadly, No!), we find that The Schmidthead from Ohio™ — one Jean Schmidt — is falsely claiming that her opponent, Victoria Wulsin, was involved in highly unethical medical studies. It turns that Schmidt’s claims were a deliberate distortion of what actually happened. Gee, what a surprise. As Eric Kleefeld at TPM put it:

The “grotesque medical experiments” charge appears to be a reference to some 2004 work that Wulsin did with the Heimlich Institute in Ohio. She examined data that was supplied to her as part of a literature review, taken from pre-existing studies, of experimental AIDS therapies that Wulsin concluded didn’t work.

“She never participated in any of the studies,” said Wulsin communications director Kevin Franck. “She was never in a position to stop any of them while they were in progress … Jean Schmidt knew that those complaints and those allegations had no merit when she mailed the letter.“

On top of that, the letter is also scientifically false. Malaria is not a virus — it is a parasite.

So, now I have a question for the Schmidthead from Ohio. Do you really want to play this game, you coward? Because I’d be happy to oblige you:

I can play this game until the cows come home, you vile piece of filth.

MSRNC: Little oversight in risky crane industy.

Few rules, little oversight in crane industry
Some states have no regulations and opt for outdated federal guidelines — Associated Press

NEW YORK — Dan Mooney has no idea what it will take for his construction cranes to pass inspection.

The crane company owner recently asked New York City officials for a list of safety hazards that inspectors look for. He was told that information wasn’t public.

“How am I supposed to know what I need if you won’t tell me?” Mooney asked. “It’s like not posting the speed limit.”

*snip*

The crane standards of the Occupational Safety and Health Administration were last updated in 1971. They require cranes to be inspected once a year. But most of the inspections never happen. OSHA, which is part of the Labor Department, inspected only about 23,000 of the country’s some 4 million construction sites last year.

Patchwork safety regs; OSHA standards that haven’t been updated in nearly four deacdes; required safety inspections not performed; hands up, who didn’t see this coming? Yeah, I figured as much.

The soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock* at Page Six of Murdoch house organ the New York Post, who thought it would be funny to channel the FreiRepublikkk vs. Mia Lawrence incident and publish Keith Olbermann’s home address for every wingnut with a pipebomb and an axe to grind to see.

As one commenter at Randi Rhodes’ message forum put it, “this is a new low for Murdoch.”

* With apologies to Sean Wardwell.

Michael Savage

Following the announcement that Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA) has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor, nationally syndicated radio host Michael Savage opened his May 20 show by interspersing audio of Kennedy singing "Ay Jalisco No Te Rajes" with clips of news reporters discussing Kennedy’s diagnosis and audio from the 1990 film Kindergarten Cop in which Arnold Schwarzenegger’s character says, "It’s not a tumor." Later, Savage played the Dead Kennedys song "California Über Alles" after stating: "The poor guy’s been suffering for years, you know? Unfairly he’s been accused of alcoholism, but we see now that it was something much more deep-seated. And so, to cut this out in some respect for Ted Kennedy, here’s a tune coming at you from the Dead Kennedys. Go ahead and play it, please."

Michael? FUCK YOU! If you can’t say anything nice, GO TO FUCKING HELL, YOU SICK FUCK!!!!

Sen. Ted Kennedy has been diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor.

Expect wingnut schadenfreude and inappropriate jokes about Sen. Kennedy being a malignant brain tumor in 5…4…3…2…1…

Update (May 20, 2008, 16:44): Wow… that didn’t take long. According to Pam Spaulding over at Pandagon (and gordo at The Liberal Avenger), those oh-so-tactful-and-rational-non-haters at LibrulFreiRepubliKKK — the very same people who posted the address (among other things) of the Chuy’s manager who carded Jenna Bush — had to pull several threads because of the sheer torrent of hate and glee directed at the Massachusetts senator.

Not every situation in the Middle East requires your patented approach of “Bomb Muslim countries first, bomb Muslim countries later, bomb Muslim countries some more and then when all the Muslims are dead try to ask a question or two.”

* By “Iran Hawks,” I mean The Most Holy George W. Christ The Infallible, Senator Eight Houses, Senator Joseph Iscariot Lieberman, and the members of the Meir Kahane Fan Club who gleefully cheered Bush’s smear of Obama.

No longer The Party Of Ideas™©®.

Via Crooks and Liars.