JABbering Stooge

When you read this story in the Tulsa World, you’ll understand why it gave Neal Boortz a massive stiffy. I wonder if this Kell Wolf character ever had any strategic discussions with The Very Reverend Chan Chandler.

Seriously, folks. An ideological purity test before you can take a hunting safety course? From a guy who calls Obama “the next thing to the Antichrist?” What’s next, an ideological purity test from your employer? Oh, wait… Never mind…

I just can’t help it if Boortz makes it so easy to mock him sometimes. Here’s some of his latest drivel:

CLASSY LADY … BEST WISHES TO HER

Barbara Bush had open-heart surgery. She’s fine. This should be of interest to you however. As soon as we get the Democrat’s nationalized medicine your chances of getting open-heart surgery at her age will be somewhat similar to my chances of waking up tomorrow with a full head of hair.

Now, imagine if Babs weren’t married to a multi-millionare ex-president when this happened. Do you really think that her insurer would spare no expense in her care? That they wouldn’t try to find every loophole they could to get out of paying one thin dime for her surgery? That they wouldn’t Sarkisyan her? And while we’re at it, do you really think that Boortz and his cohort would be as sympathetic if Babs weren’t a narcissistic gold digger? Hell no! They’d be sneering down their collective noses at her, blaming her for not having the good fortune to be born with a silver spoon in her mouth! “How dare that rotten parasite have the temerity to dream that she’s worthy of emergency health care?” they’d say. “ Why doesn’t she just become a multimillionaire CEO who gets rewarded for running the company into the ground overnight, like the rest of us Real Americans™©®?” Because that’s how they roll.

Remember, folks: this jackass used to be a lawyer.

EVEN MORE TAX BURDENS

Oh, is that what you call “entry-level employees,” Neal? *rimshot*

Okay, to be fair, Boortz is railing against Obama’s energy policy in this post — or rather, he’s railing against what he presents as Obama’s energy policy. As with most of Boortz’s rants, reality has only a tangential relationship to his presentation of that reality.

Remember, folks: this joker used to be a lawyer.

THE (NON) VAST MAJORITY

I’ve been hearing this phrase used by virtually every person in the Obama administration America … “the vast majority.” Must be a new focus group term the Democrats have learned that damned liberal-biased reality again. They are, as you know, the party of focus group phraseology reality.

What I want to know is …… what about that small minority the Bernie Madoffs and John Thains of the world? Who are those people and why aren’t they the only ones being considered in these proposals? Don’t our laws apply to all? Shouldn’t our laws only apply to the “mythical little people?”

Oh wait, I know. The (non) vast majority are the achievers, the greedy rich, the small business owners, the capitalists, the investors, the successful the corporate greedheads, the kelptocrats, the white collar crooks, the Ponzi schemers, the incompetent boobs who have been promoted according to the Converse Dilbert Principle. The Obama administration is making a point to ignore them completely, until it comes time to take their money and redistribute to fund his dreams and schemes for them to stop being free riders and actually contribute something to a cause greater than themselves.

The (non) vast majority. Those are the only people the Obama administration should really be worrying about pandering to, OR ELSE. But that won’t score you many wealth-envy fuck-the-poor points … will it?

I fixed your typos, Neal.

Remember, folks: this guy used to be a lawyer.

As I’ve said before, I don’t usually pay attention to the items in the “Reading Assignments” section of Neal Boortz’s daily program notes, and that didn’t change when he changed the format to be more blog-like. But occasionally, there will be some nuggets of unintentional wingnut comedy gold mixed in among the diarrhetic effluvium. And today is just such an occasion. So without further ado, let’s don our HAZMAT suits and dive in!

Let’s see… well, he hehindeeds* a column by Victor Davis Pericles Thucydides von Goethe von Clausewitz “Not Me” Hanson the Red** that dishonestly accuses Obama of having “a talent for dishonesty in political discourse” (that was invented by Bill Clinton, I’m sure). He points out a Gallup study of American Muslims that’s being pimped by ClownHall, characterizing it simply as “interesting.” I’m guessing that’s because it doesn’t exactly confirm his stereotype of Muslims as incurably violent reprobates who need to be shoved into Adam Yoshida’s macrowaves. There’s some standard-issue fearmongering vis á vis Iran. Ooh! Here’s a good one:

You’re kidding me, right? Madoff wants to keep his penthouse in NYC and another $62 million in assets? If he’s allowed to be one iota better off than the people he scammed then there is something bad wrong with our bankruptcy laws.

Don’t you just love the lack of self-awareness? Denial, it’s not just a river in Egypt. Here’s a hint, Neal. Problems with the bankruptcy laws have nothing to do with Madoff’s rank corruption and criminality. It’s this anything-goes “Greed is Good” Gordon Gekko culture that you and your ilk have been pimping nonstop for the last 30 years that allowed Madoff to get away with what he’s done.

I sense there’s still more comedic gold to be mined here, so let’s continue. There’s a couple of Murdoch Street Journal articles to serve as a sad testament to the precipitous decline of that fishwrap’s journalistic standards since The Takeover. There’s some rank paranoia on Speaker Pelosi’s alleged “Enemies List”… Ah, there we are:

Attorney General Eric Holder says that “waterboarding” is out of the question as a possible interrogation technique for terrorism suspects. I’m sorry but it is not a form of torture.

Funny, we considered it torture when the Japanese did it to us in WWII. We even executed Japanese officers for ordering our POWs waterboarded. I guess WEIOKIYA. I think I have an idea why Boortz is no longer a lawyer — he sucks at it!

Okay, time to get out of the cesspool — the HAZMAT suits are starting to melt…

* Cf.

** With apologies to the fine folks at Sadly, No!

A ‘TRUTH COMMISSION’ .. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

• Trying to get to the bottom of the Bush administration’s alleged “crimes” makes Senator Pat Leahy a member of the 9/11 Truther movement! So what if he wants to model it on the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in post-Apartheid South Africa? If I say it, it must be true!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Via Associated Wankers:

Bailed-out Wells Fargo plans Las Vegas junket
Company spokesperson says event is part of the bank’s culture

WASHINGTON — Wells Fargo & Co., which received $25 billion in taxpayer bailout money, is planning a series of corporate junkets to Las Vegas casinos this month.

“Part of the corporate culture,” you say.

Part of the corporate CULTURE?!!! Sure, if you’re GORDON GEKKO!

These criminals just don’t get it, do they?

Okay, Boortz — defend this as “marketing.” I dare you.

I have to admit that Sen. McCaskill’s bill to limit the pay of CEOs receiving bailout money has some merit — if for no other reason than it drives Neal Boortz batshit crazy. Unfortunately, such a bill would not be sufficient by itself in punishing the economic terrorists who got us into this mess. What the government ought to do in this case is seize the companies responsible, fire anyone above the rank of Vice President for Wiping the CEO’s Ass, indict the lot of them for securities fraud and liquidate all the assets. I’m sure there’s someone out there who can do the job a lot better than John Thain.

Then again, that’s a pretty low bar.

Do you remember the Rush Act? The fictional piece of legislation in Babylon 5 that allowed the Earth Alliance Senate to arbitrarily declare a strike illegal and give local authorities free reign to end a strike “by any means necessary” (hence the title of the episode that centers around the Act)? Well, it appears that The Most Holy George W. Christ The Infallible has managed to sneak something similar into the GM bailout as a condition of GM receiving the funds. The condition stipulates that the UAW may not strike on pain of the government calling in the loan and forcing GM into bankruptcy. Meanwhile, GM CEO Rick Wagoner gets rewarded for his failure — his salary increased to $2.2 million plus stock options.

Somewhere in Atlanta, Neal Boortz just creamed his pants.

It just goes to show that for all their protestations to the contrary, these bastards hate capitalism.

Thanks to your “Heat of 1,000 White-Hot Suns” hatred of the United Auto Workers, today’s plunging stock market and the ensuing Great Depression v. 2.0 are on your hands!

AND ONE MORE THING: Randi Rhodes is on fire on the failure of the auto bailout bill.