JABbering Stooge

Shorter Jon Sanders:

"Spiritual" Democrats and the Satanic Rape Ritual

• Aha! I gotcha, you foul DemonRATs! I found an obscure Democrat whose alleged Satanism led to heinous crimes, so yer all evil Satan-worshippers who have no right to any role in civilized society! Bwa hahahaha!!! 

Shorter Phil Harris:

The Liberal’s Agenda — Antichrist or just anti-Christ?

• Jesus loves me! This I know,
  For Larry Elder tells me so.
  Liberals shall burn in hell;
  They think Satan is so swell.

"Shorter" concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

Quoth the Boortz:

Dennis Haybert who played President Palmer on "24" says that his portrayal of the first black US president helped paved [sic] the way for Barack Obama. I’d rather have Haybert than Obama.

So Neal, you’d rather have a president who appointed cabinet members who turned out to be traitors, whose wife was killed in the fallout from a political scandal, and had a terrorist nuke cook off on American soil on his watch?* Oh, and he’s an <Boortzian sneer>evil DemonRAT</Boortzian sneer>. You sure you want that? Okay then. Glad we found that out now when we could still do something about it.

* With apologies to Christian Finnegan.

Americans Believe in God, Heaven, Hell

• Did you know that 90% of Americans believe as I do that Jesus is the One True God™ and that he hates homosexuals, liberals, women and Muslims? It’s true! Just look at this study by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life!

“Shorter” concept created by Daniel Davies, perfected by Elton Beard and given a beneficial mutation by the fine folks at Sadly, No!
I am aware of all Internet tradtions.™

U. S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly (who is also head of the FISA court) has ruled that the White House Office of Administration is not subject to FOIA. Frankly, this is not one of Judge Kollar-Kotelly’s better decisions. Given the desperate lengths that the White House is going to hide their complicity in a wide variety of crimes — from PlameGate to voter suppresion and politicizing the Justice Department — going to the WHOA is about the only avenue we have left to hold these criminal bastards accountable. And to say that we can’t go to them and say, “Please tell us about the e-mails that have been mysteriously deleted,” is just simply unconscionable.

The soul-raping suckers of Satan’s cock* at Page Six of Murdoch house organ the New York Post, who thought it would be funny to channel the FreiRepublikkk vs. Mia Lawrence incident and publish Keith Olbermann’s home address for every wingnut with a pipebomb and an axe to grind to see.

As one commenter at Randi Rhodes’ message forum put it, “this is a new low for Murdoch.”

* With apologies to Sean Wardwell.

She put up a post about May 1 being “Loyalty Day” in America. The usual chucklenuts chimed in to bash everything to the left of Torquemada, and it seemed that all would be well in Wingnutistan…until this comment by one Bruce Tyson appeared:

On May 2nd, 2008 at 7:57 am, Bruce said:

Yeah right. Now let’s try to mainstream this little known holiday. Also, let’s castrate those who think that demanding loyalty is not necessarily a good thing.

Consider this: we have one of the most oppressive, brutal, invasive, and wasteful governments that has ever been known to mankind. Does Loyalty Day call for loyalty to the Federal Government or does it call for loyalty to the USA as the USA is described in the Constitution of the United States?

I think most people probably consider loyalty to be to the USA as it is now, not loyalty to a Constitution that has been progressively shredded since the 1860’s.

As for me, I do not consent to the illegal and un-Constitutional government that now oppresses us. I do, however, remain loyal to the Constitution.

Wow. A two-fer. Openly fascist (”castrate those who think demanding loyalty is not necessarily a good thing.”) AND nakedly racist (”a Constitution that has been progressively shredded since the 1860s.”). Bruce, you do realize that rolling back the Constitution to where it was in the 1860s would reinstate slavery, right?

Alright, Michelle. In “honor” of the (double) standard that Sen. Obama is being held to for the most tangential of associations with anyone — particularly in the African-American community — who has the slightest cloud of controversy hanging over him/her by wingnuts and the media (but I repeat myself), here’s a little test for you. Do you renounce and denounce Bruce? Do you disown and decry him? Do you spurn, shun, malign, vilify and hope birds poop on him? If you don’t, then we can only assume that you heartily endorse every single word he has ever written in any of his past lifetimes.

After all, fair’s fair.

No longer The Party Of Ideas™©®.

Via Crooks and Liars.

Believe it or not, today marks the fifth anniversary of the day when Chris Matthews said this about Commander Codpiece:

MATTHEWS: What do you make of the actual visual that people will see on TV and probably, as you know, as well as I, will remember a lot longer than words spoken tonight? And that’s the president looking very much like a jet, you know, a high-flying jet star. A guy who is a jet pilot. Has been in the past when he was younger, obviously. What does that image mean to the American people, a guy who can actually get into a supersonic plane and actually fly in an unpressurized cabin like an actual jet pilot?

And this:

MATTHEWS: Let me ask you, Bob Dornan, you were a congressman all those years. Here’s a president who’s really nonverbal. He’s like Eisenhower. He looks great in a military uniform. He looks great in that cowboy costume he wears when he goes West. I remember him standing at that fence with Colin Powell. Was [that] the best picture in the 2000 campaign?

And this:

MATTHEWS: The president there — look at this guy! We’re watching him. He looks like he flew the plane. He only flew it as a passenger, but he’s flown –

[FORMER POLLSTER FOR PRESIDENT CARTER PAT] CADDELL: He looks like a fighter pilot.

MATTHEWS: He looks for real. What is it about the commander in chief role, the hat that he does wear, that makes him — I mean, he seems like — he didn’t fight in a war, but he looks like he does.

You can tell just from the transcript that “a certain thrill ran up his leg” then.

Remember when Wal-Mart sued one of its former employees for medical expenses incurred when she was off-duty? Remember how, under immense pressure from Keith Olbermann and the liberal blogosphere, the company sent out a letter on April 1st apologizing for lacking even the most vestigial sense of decency, eventually backing down on their claim to all the money in the trust fund set up to pay for Debbie Shank’s ongoing medical care? Well, it turns out that that letter had some Super Ultra Fine Print©™® written on it that read “April Fools!” Wal-Mart is dragging its feet over handing over control of the trust fund to the Shanks.

Typical money-grubbing soulless bastards. Fuck ‘em.

LA-LA-LA-LA!! I CAN’T HEAR BARACK OBAMA DENOUNCING HIS ANTI-AMERICAN, RACIST PASTOR!!! LA-LA-LA-LA!!!!!