JABbering Stooge

Why does Phil Gramm hate America?

Bonus: Obama’s reaction for the win:

I want all of you to know that America already has one Dr. Phil.

Heh. Indeed.

The American Patriarchy Association’s “newswire” OneNewsNow has been revealed to be running Associated Wankers articles through its Secret Decoder Script™ in a most hilarious fashion:

But the American Family Association’s OneNewsNow website takes the phenomenon one step further with its AP articles. The far-right fundamentalist group replaces the word “gay” in the articles with the word “homosexual.” I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems to make the AFA happy. The group is, after all, pretty far out there.

The problem, of course, is that “gay” does not always mean what the AFA wants it to mean. My friend Kyle reported this morning that sprinter Tyson Gay won the 100 meters at the U.S. Olympic track and field trials over the weekend. The AFA ran the story, but only after the auto-correct had “fixed” the article.

That means — you guessed it — the track star was renamed “Tyson Homosexual.” The headline on the piece read, “Homosexual eases into 100 final at Olympic trials.”

Heh. Indeed. Memo to the AFA:

Koresh help us:

Oy. Fortunately, there is balm in Gilead that no raven can say “Nevermore” to. There’s this analysis from Cenk Uygur, for instance:

There’s also this contribution from FascistMedia.com:

And when you’re done with those, feel free to give some love to Cornyn’s opponent, Rick Noriega, by putting some money in his kitty (or volunteering for him, if you live in Texas).

Have I mentioned that we desperately need to send Cornyn back to the private sector this November?

Update (06/28/08 01:02): Via Atrios, Rick Noriega responds:

George Carlin has passed away has expired is dead. As a long-time fan of Carlin’s work, that’s definitely not news I wanted to wake up to this morning. But, in keeping with the spirit of remembrance, I’ve decided to include YouTube clips of my favorite Carlin moments.

Airline Safety Lecture — Part 1

Airline Safety Lecture — Part 2

Abortion

The Reagan Administration (about 6:25 in)

The First Gulf War (sound familiar?)

Rest in peace, fellow traveler of this speck of dust in space. We’ll miss you.

Michael Reagan argues that the only good Muslim is a dead Muslim:

Notice his response to the caller who calls in to complain about his advocacy for “sticking grenades up their babies’ butts and light ‘em.”

REAGAN: If they’re going to raise the children that way — to kill me and my family, I really don’t care.

CALLER: OK. Just listen to the rest of the discussion. I’ve talked to some Israelis here in Las Vegas… you know… and I asked if they think there will ever be peace in the Middle East.

REAGAN: Yeah, when they’re all dead.

CALLER: They say, “No,” because the mothers of the Islamic extremists teach their children [Reagan makes an “I told you so!” gesture] to fight the Israelis. The mothers…they’re doing it. That comment of yours is just—

REAGAN (interrupting): So we kill the mothers and the babies.

CALLER: So your comment is just—

REAGAN (interrupting again): So what’s wrong with killing the mothers and the babies?

What’s wrong with killing the mothers and the babies? What’s wrong with killing the mothers and the babies, you piece of shit? You’re advocating genocide, you sick fuck! That’s what’s wrong with it! We put Nazis to DEATH for doing EXACTLY WHAT YOU’RE ADVOCATING, YOU GODDAMN SHITBURGER!!!

The person who posted the above YouTube video had it right:

Radical Arabs celebrate in the street. American radicals get their own talk shows.

Oy. I need a stiff drink.

John Stewart on the “librul” media’s eagerness to smear Obama:

Heh. Indeed.

It’s the only thing I can come up with to explain why Newsweek is covering for Teflon John on charges that his policies will essentially represent a third Bush term. This is, after all, the guy who says “Hell, yeah” to the idea of having Dick Cheney involved in his administration. This is, after all, the guy who, in spite of endless favorable coverage from the “librul” media, has squandered his “maverick” image among ordinary Americans. This is, after all, the guy who has voted with Bush 100% of the time in 2008, and 95% of the time last year. This is, after all, the guy who has flip-flopped on a wide range of issues, from Bush’s tax cuts to torture to whether or not Jerry Falwell was an “agent of intolerance” — whatever opportunistic pandering was needed to secure political power.

But I guess none of that matters to Newspeak Newsweek, since they have their heads so far up Teflon John’s posterior that they can’t hear rational thought. Nor do they care for it.

While we’re at it, here’s an educational video from The Jed Report that Newsweek should watch, but probably won’t.

The Jack Cafferty of the Austin American-Statesman schools Teflon John on the Clayton “Lie Back And Enjoy Rape” Williams fundraiser that never was.

The money quote:

Don’t the clowns at McCain headquarters know how to Google? How could they not know about Williams’ most infamous political moment? This would be like knowing about Patrick Henry and never having heard of “Give me liberty or give me death.”

And while we’re on Clayton Williams watch, here’s the campaign commercial that the late, great Ann Richards ran in the waning days of the 1990 gubernatorial election:

For those of you who need to unwind from this overlong primary season:

Stephanie Miller would be proud…