JABbering Stooge

I’ve seen fuzzy math before, but this takes the cake!

HA!

U.S. Deports Lou Dobbs
CNN Host Had Been Living Illegally In Country Since 1961

WANTAGE, NJ—Acting on anonymous tips from within the Hispanic-American community, U.S. Customs and Border Protection officials on Wednesday deported Luis Miguel Salvador Aguila Dominguez, who for the last 48 years had been living illegally in the United States under the name Lou Dobbs.

According to the Department of Homeland Security, federal agents stormed the undocumented immigrant’s home in an evening raid just hours after the 64-year-old newscaster suddenly announced that he was resigning from CNN, and immediately placed him on an Aeromexico flight departing from Newark Liberty Airport.

Damn, I love The Onion, don’t you?

Over at the GOS, Bill in Portland, ME posts some must read hilarity:

Channel surfing: Yesterday

• “Welcome to the Today Show. This morning: Sarah Palin’s new book…”

  [click]

  “Oh Joe!” “Oh Mika!” “Oh Joe!” “Oh Mika!” “Let’s talk about Sarah Palin’s new book, Joe, and how much Obama sucks!” “Great idea, Mika…”

  [Click]

  “Our round-the-clock coverage of Sarah Palin’s new book continues on Fox News with amazing new details on how Steve Schmidt paid housekeeping staffs to short-sheet her hotel-room beds…”

  [Click!]

  “Headline News has just learned that there are, in fact, five chapters in Sarah Palin’s new book. Five, count ‘em, five. One two three four five. Or try it backwards, five four three t…”

  [Click!!]

  “CNN breaking news at this hour: we have just learned that Sarah Palin’s new book still has no index! Let’s go live to…”

  [CLICK!]

  “And in local news, some Portland residents say they may buy Sarah Palin’s new book, but others say they might not. Our eyewitness team coverage begins with…”

  [CLICK!!!]

  “Welcome back to Hardball. A tingle is running up my leg with the release of…”

  [CLICK!!!!]

  “Coming up on The History Channel: Could World War II have been averted if Neville Chamberlain had read Sarah Palin’s new book? A panel of experts says…”

  [CLICK!!!!!!]

  “I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat: Sarah…Palin’s…New…”

  [CLICK!!!!!!!!!]

For Sale: 1 slightly used TV. Comes with size 8 1/2 shoe embedded. Serious offers only, please.

A preview of the Quitbull’s new (ghostwritten) book:

How is it that a comedian who hosts a fake news show is more of a journalist than the “real” journalists?

So, I had lunch with Dad today at a Chinese restaurant here in Austin. The fortune in my fortune cookie was rather appropriate in light of the Quitbull’s recent speech in Hong Kong. It read as follows:

Do not listen to vain words from empty minds.

It seems a fair number of people there were (unwittingly, perhaps) heeding that advice.

The latest masterpiece from Funny or Die:

Humor, with a purpose. Imagine that! (Bonus: Hiro Nakamura Masi Oka gets a couple of lines!)

Spread the meme.

And now comes the time on JABbering Stooge when we PARODY!

Over at The Grist, David Roberts explains why now-former Special Advisor for Green Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation Van Jones is not the scary bogeyman that Glenn Beck makes him out to be. The rest of the piece is a good, serious read, but I could help but laugh at this line:

A while back I lampooned a Glenn Beck segment on Van Jones, who’s an advisor to the White House Council on Environmental Quality. According to Beck, Jones is the man on the inside for a vast cryptosocialist conspiracy involving the Apollo Alliance, Color of Change, the Center for American Progress, George Soros, ACORN, Al Queda, and the Trilateral Commission. Everything that goes bump in Beck’s closet at night.

Back then I still thought the Gomer Pyle meets Father Coughlin shtick was harmless, too clownish to be taken seriously. Ah, those innocent days before the nation was locked in a room with frantic teabaggers.

Thanks, Dave. After Glenn Beck’s high-tech lynching of Van Jones, I needed some levity.

Sidebar: I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that Glenn Beck’s petulant revenge fantasy has eerie parallels with Bill O’Reilly’s jihad against Dr. George Tiller. While the scalp claimed by Beck was fortunately metaphorical rather than literal, we’ve already seen how quickly right-wing lunacy can spiral into violence. And it’s just going to get worse the more Obama caves to the lunatic fringe.